Enlightenment

Humanity has struggled over many years over many things, almost all of which were completely insignificant. Petty issues like orthodontics, religion, lunchtime, or which country to obliterate have distracted us for a long time, and will continue to do so. We as people could have simply enjoyed life all this time, yet we decided it was better to consume our time with complete distraction.

When I say distraction, I mean there is so much unfinished business in our little world… and I don’t see the important things started so long ago ever getting finished just so long as we keep distracting ourselves and inventing new ways to divert ourselves further.

It’s very true to state as a fact that humans have a very short attention span. Our life spans are for several decades, and a lot of things are wasted in that timespan. When you add such needless distractions as love, government, family, and religion then it’s no wonder that everyone simply lost interest working on the answer to the big question and somehow ended up with over 16 types of peanut butter in any given grocery store shelf. What is amusing is then we ask ourselves ‘How did we get 16 types of peanut butter’, we go even more off track trying to find THAT answer. Once that is solved, no doubt we will ask what can be done about it, which is the one best peanut butter, and what do we do with all the other peanut butters.

If you don’t know what question I am talking about by now, it’s only proof that you – the reader – already forgot what you were supposed to be thinking. To be fair, I have not even given you much of a hint of the question, but rest assured once you read it you’ll say “hey that’s right, I heard that before”.

Why are we here?

So that’s the big question that mankind forgot to be working on as a collective. Sure, we still have some guy in a loincloth on top of a mountain working on it – but you notice nobody is really helping him out. Hell if you ask me, he – like me – has the answer.

That’s right – I have the answer! Not only do I have the answer, but I am not going to tell you what it is. Now, I already can assume your disbelief, anger, or even hostility at my decision to not share it; do YOU understand why you feel those negative feelings? Hell, you already forgot what the big question was! Almost everyone lost interest eons ago, with little petty distractions. May I remind you how right I am by pointing out not only do we have roughly 16 types of peanut butter, but we have over 32 types of non-electrical facial shaving devices at the store – and they are already promising a new one that can cut the hair under your skin without requiring a trip to the Emergency Room? Has nobody stopped to think “do we really need the Quad Razor Shavor?”

Now you have a new Question… “how did he know that?”. STOP distracting yourself with more questions and just pay attention already! From here on out – stop thinking questions to detract yourself, just read. Got it?

So, about that answer….

What I will tell you is the answer is surprisingly simple. What I also need to tell you is the truth; it’s not that I’m not going to tell you, but it’s impossible for me to tell you. By now you asking “are you pulling all this out of you butt” to which I reply I told you to stop thinking of new questions and simply pay attention I the last paragraph – and you didn’t listen, which proves how distracted people can make themselves.

I can not take self responsibility for my inability to deliver this answer though; I am a victim of society of the past several thousand years. I would not be a humanitarian demanding compensation, but a social protagonist if I tried to simply make do with what I have at my disposal today.

The main problem is that the words to express the answer simply do not exist at this time. The words will not exist anytime soon just so long as we continue to live in a state of total distraction and chaos. What’s even worse is none of the languages today are the correct one to fully disclose the truth – they all lack the exact words simply because we didn’t focus on one true method of communication to start with so many eons ago. Hell, I’m at least several languages away from correctly stating the answer – as everyone knows English is by far the most retarded language with it’s own set of ever changing rules!

I am not the only person with the answer. I think that hermit guy that sits on top of a mountain in a loin cloth has it all figured out. He keeps answering questions in riddles and whatnot, because he knows that he lacks the right words. He’s not upset, he’s sitting around and waiting for the correct language to be established and he’ll be happy to get back to all of us. He’s already one step ahead not speaking English.

I have as much hope as to express the words clearly enough to you so that you may completely understand them as an ant has a chance to tell us why they recommend against cheese on absolutely anything. Hell now your asking “What do you mean, cheese taste GREAT on a variety of things!”. I agree with you, hell I love cheese on nachos. But that’s not the point – the point is once again you’re asking questions.

Rest assured the answer is clear to the question Why are we here, and from this day on I will live life in a new light and I pity those wondering when and if they are going to improve upon one the 45 types of toothpaste.

05 05 05

You know how sweet it is to be an accountant today? The date is May 5th, 2005. That means I get to write and type "05 05 05" on all sorts of stuff! Deposit Slips, Payment Stubs, Invoices, post-it notes, ANYTHING! There is only one day in my entire lifetime this happens and its TODAY! Thank God its not Saturday or Sunday, I would not enjoy it as much. Damn - I wish I did all those tax forms today instead of earlier this week. At least June 6th 2006 is on a Tuesday, I marked my calander !

What Sort of Fighting Animal Are You?

This sure sounds like a test in the works, and you probably will look for those simple goofy questions that somehow - within 10 questions - narrows down your classification of what type of person you are and you go put that in your Signature on other forums and make friends, strangers, and lovers take it to.

Sorry, but there's no test here. So my wife and I (yes I'm married, so what if she's imported from Poland its all legal) were discussing how we argue. Now I'm not entirely sure what the argument was about, but I know she was quite involved with it, and I honestly lost all interest in the fight when I noticed she fights like a Frilled Lizard, and I often fight like the Dodo Bird.

So without going into what exactly the argument was about (like I said, I wasn't paying attention) I thought I would share what I think are the Angry Animal types in some relationships - I like to give the disclaimer that I'll probably forget a few animals, by all means take a few minutes out of your life (which you will never get back) and tell me of your thoughts.

The Frilled Lizard. Just to be fair, this is my wife...Not the acutal lizard, but like, the representation...well, You get it. She is a wonderful woman, who by the basic DNA structure of possessing a Polish Bloodline, is extremelly vocal and vivid. So when feeling agitated, threatened, cornered, arroused...or anything honestly other than state of unconcious, anyone in the area would think "oh shit!". To be fair, I say exactly that quite a lot.

Which leads me to the next Angry Animal type - the DoDo bird. It is imperative to note that the Dodo Bird is Extinct, so anyone that fits this group is doomed to fail. I'll admit, I am like the Dodo. When dealing with any problem, the Dodo just sits there all stupid like, oblivious to impending doom, and gets taken out fast. It's not very fun being the Dodo bird, but at least you realize you lost and save all that energy that you normally expend on running around uselessly trying to hide when you are going to die anyway.

One small step from the Dodo bird is the Ostrich. They see danger, and they stick their heads in the ground. Sure, you think at the time that is a swell idea, till you feel someone's shoe up your ass. What were you thinking just ducking your head down during the argument? You could have tried to deal with it head on - as you have mighty talons on your feet and a sharp beak, and long neck - but no... You just gave the enemy a big fat target, and a solid anchor so you won't go anywhere. At least the Dodo doesn't look stupid being stupid.

Then we come to the ... I don't know what he's called. The Drinking Bird? You probably don't know what he's called either, but you damn well know what he does right? Up and down goes his head. Up and Down. Up and Down. In any argument, this personality type doesn't give a darn, but will stand his or her ground and go "yes'm, Uh huh. Yup. Yes. Ok. yes. Uh Huh". You know the problem with this type? Oh there isn't one. He's so cool, just going up and down like that, hell you can slip in "And I'm going shopping and spending all your money if that's ok!" and all you get in return is "Ok. Yes. Sure. Uh huh". If you have a Drinking Bird S.O., take them for all they are worth. If you are the Drinking Bird Type, just go back to whatever you were doing. It's what you do best.

There is also the Lion. I won't provide you with a picture - If you have no clue what a Lion is then I can't help you. I shouldn't have to explain the lion either - but if I must, you end up just eating the other person to win your argument. You're a big bully, and that's all I'm going to say before you hurt me.

Ant Lions need a picture, as I doubt many of you even know what an Ant Lion is. Growing up, I used to toy with these guys all the time. They fight dirty and unfair. You don't even know you're going to be in a fight till it's too damn late, and they will always be setting traps to pick a fight. What Ant Lions do for those that don't watch PBS, is they dig cute little holes all over the place - and anything falling in will find themselves trapped in a cone of dangernous, and will become so tired of the struggle that the Ant Lion wins be default. Many guys are victims of the Ant Lion, and keep going for pretty holes. Pun intended folks.

There's probably alot more, but that's all I'm going to write about. You know of something else, let me know - and I'll add it to the list.