Crazy Joe's Asylum

Anyone with an Email account knows this spammer.
Basically, someone overseas somehow got ahold of millions USD and needs you - a complete stranger - to help him get this money to America. In return for this act of anonymous generosity, you get to keep a portion of it. Somewhere down the road, the scam is he needs YOU to pay for the Bank Transfer, as the bank won't for some reason take any of the money he has. Some people have actually fallen for this scam. So, why not just have some fun with it and play with them?

It was so much fun with the earlier one I did that I had to try again a few months later. I think this one was a bit more fun!

The dates for those that need to catch up: (Please wait for the entire page to load the links may not work)

The Original Email, September 08, 2003
The First Reply
September 10, 2003
September 12, 2003
September 14, 2003
September 16, 2003
September 17, 2003
September 22, 2003
September 22, 2003 (was a busy day)
September 23, 2003
September 24, 2003
September 25, 2003
September 26, 2003
September 30, 2003
October 1, 2003
October 2, 2003
October 3, 2003
October 7, 2003
October 8, 2003
October 9, 2003
October 10, 2003

----- Original Message -----
From: yakuba foude
To: metved@pisem.net
Sent: Monday, September 08, 2003 6:36 AM
Subject: COMPLIMENT OF THE SEASON

Dear Sir,

In other not to hope on one else,this is what happen sometimes six years ago when an airline crashed down in the airport runway as its about to land,on this faithful day,one of the unlucky persons who died of heart attack immediately in the smoked plane,left on his side a big business briefcase containinga huge amount of money about FIFTEEN MILLION US DOLLARS(15000000)when forcedopen with documents concerning the money and other things of his interrest.

This event took place on my eye saw,and as we rush to the plane for rescue,we found so many dead personsand as well as valuable things,money,precious materials and so on and so I am amoung the people that went away with valuable things that day .

Latter,due to high rate demand from people on the things found in the smoked plane,then the police boss issued out a warrantof arrest to those found in the airport and thier workers and casual workers as well on that faithful day,and as thier names was in the working register,as a matter of fact I was amoung them that was arrested and intoregated,but lucky notting was found in and out of me as an exhibit of such kind .

Then after about second and the third invitation to the police ,then we was charge to court for final decision on the case ,but as no exhibit was found with me ,I was discharge and acquited .

But now the fair of investing the money become a nightmare to me as all eyes is on me knowing what took place .As all was in expectation to see what will happen then,and in order to secure this honey drop,I quickly depositedit in a private security company,because a huge amount of 15 million dollars is too much for a house toy.Since then I have being living in fair as the police and some individual at times broke into my hurt to steal in the name of police investigating.

So after secret consultation on how to transfer the money abroad for proper use and investment ,it was then my fathers friend who was in the states (USA)left me with a complementry card ,and ask me to consult you for a help,he further said that he has a great trust on you,that I should also trust you in all the transaction.

So as one who my respected senior recommend,I relly on you hopefully and will not consult anyone else because I believe you can do it to the best of your knowledge.

Waiting to hear from you at your earliest convinient.

Thanks

Sincerely yours

Yakuba Foude.

Now, for the replies, I went to http://rinkworks.com/dialect and used the "Jive" option.

Sappnin' Yakuba Foude. Mah' dojigger be Ben Dover, and ah' am some Carpet Layer. Ah be baaad... ah' to gots been opressed by 'de system', and kin dig it plum whut ya' is rappin' about. Man! You's know whut dey say - when oppo'tunity knocks, ya' jimmey dat doo'! Right on! Whut would ya' need me t'do t'help ya' out.

Just in case you realy want to know my undialected reply :

Hello Yakuba Foude. My name is Ben Dover, and I am a carpet Layer. I know what you mean, being opressed by 'the system'. You know what they say - when opportunity knocks, you open that door. What do you need me to do to help you out?

Date: September 10, 2003
Subject: THANK YOU FOR YOUR KINDNESS

Joe,

Thank you for taking your time to know my problem,I guess you must have think deep to this action.
Please my I know the profile of the man that I want togive my life to take care of,let me know you well.
I am looking forward to hear from you.
Thanks and God bless you for your kind gesture to resque me to survival.
Foude Yakuba.

Sappnin' again Foude Yakuba. WORD! Indeed it took me some time t'scribble ya', as ya' well know De System be everywhere. ah' have t'be careful fum where ah' scribble ya', as I'm bein' watched ah' dink. Ya' know? ah' dought deep on dis acshun, real deep. Jes hang loose, brud. ah' took de night smokin' down t'reach some state uh self enlightinment so's dat ah' could fully digest yo' problem and deliva' best results. As ah' said in mah' last email, mah' last dojigger be Dover, fust dojigger Ben. 'S coo', bro. "Massa' "Joe" be nodin' mo'e dan an Email Delivery Client ah' use, so's when ya' address replies such as dat, de clunker digs mighty confused, mos' as much as me.

Ah' am 32 Years old, live here in Houston Texas, where life be baaaad, if ya' is part uh de System, uh which ah' ain't! Right on! ah' have no mama, no kids, plum two dogs - which ah' love mo'e dan ah' could love any oda' soul. Oda' dan fightin' contant opression fo' mah' sucka's fum De Man, some serious case uh Gout, and losin' sight in mah' left ear, I'm hangin' quite well.

Now dat ah' told ya' about mah'self, ah' hope ya' kin tell me about ya'. Like, how old is you, whut is yo' hobbies, do ya' toke, and whut is yo' doughts on de fact dat Califo'nia gots yet t'legalize da damn sweet leaf even if fo' medical purposes? Whut's yo' favo'ite food and such, in case we eva' meet ah' wanna be sho' man t'snatch ya' out fo' some night on de town dat ya' gots'ta neva' fo'get. Man!

Danks and may de gods watch upside ya' and yo' soul - and may ya' be blessed wid many virgins in de afterlife. Until den - smoke if ya' gots dem. WORD!

Ben

Unjived Reply :

Hello again Foude Yakuba. Indeed it took me some time to write you, as you well know The System is everywhere. I have to be careful from where I write you, as I'm being watched I think. I thought deep on this action, very deep. I took the night smoking up to reach a state of self enlightinment so that I could fully digest your problem and deliver best results.

As I said in my last email, my last name is Dover, first name Ben. "Joe Harden" is nothing more than an Email Delivery Client I use, so when you address replies such as that, the computer gets mighty confused, almost as much as me. I am 32 Years old, live here in Houston Texas, where life is good, if you are part of the System, of which I am not! I have no wife, no kids, just two dogs - which I love more than I could love any other soul. Other than fighting contant opression for my people from The Man, a serious case of Gout, and losing sight in my left ear, I'm doing quite well.

Now that I told you about myself, I hope you can tell me about you. Like, how old are you, what are your hobbies, do you toke, and what are your thoughts on the fact that California has yet to legalize the sweet leaf even if for medical purposes? What's your favorite food and such, in case we ever meet I want to be sure to take you out for a night on the town that you will never forget.

Thanks and may the gods watch over you and your soul - and may you be blessed with many virgins in the afterlife. Until then - smoke if you got them.

Two days pass (no doubt trying to understand my reply).....

Date : September 12, 2003
Subject : THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN
Dear BEN,

Thank you for your mail,I am happy thatyou have replied me.
please this money thatI want to send to your account is real and this has course so many problems here with me.I will ready when you ask me to send it to your account to do so for our favour this will be that 30% of this money will be yoursand the balance of 70%remains for me untill my arrival in your domains,I am sure we are making a way out into paradise,but if you feel that you want come to affrica in this deal thats okey even or me,I will make everyarrengement to make sure that this money comes to you.15000000m us dollars is the cash that take me to serve in the prison and so many police nets even today I am not still free.
Thank you
Waiting to hear from you.
Foude

Foude

I wuz so's wo'ried about ya', ah' dun didn't hear fum ya' in two days. ah' wuz afraid dat ya' gots been Opressed by De Man, o' if not him, den some sucka high down in De System. WORD! Oh Foude, ah' dun did not sleep well de past two days, neva' again gimme such some scare! Ya Dig?! Now, we gots'ta return t'business, as ya' is opressed, and I, Ben Dover, live t'fight da damn System, t'aide da damn little man, dat joker is ya' Foude, and ah' wish t'help. Jes hang loose, brud. To Assist. Man! To Deliver. Word! Ah be baaad... TO FREEDOM! Aye!

I gots'ta warn ya', likes ah' ain't warned ya' already, dat ya' gots'ta not trust da damn Banks - fo' dey, mah' broder, is part uh de system. WORD. You's say ya' gots all dis bre'd in some briefcase ? Keep it dere! It be safer, even if dieves and coinsnatchers and dirty hobos litta' yo' streets as ya' walk drough it, it would be in betta' hands wid ya' dan any sucka at any crooked financial institushun. I should know - ah' lost mah' life savin's uh 3 weeks wages at da damn bank upside on 5d and Commerce. Dey claim dey neva' heard uh a Mr Dover, Ben, II - and as ah' ain't uh deir kin, mah' wo'd wuz not snatchn seriously by De Man. 'S coo', bro. Since den, ah' have warned all mah' broders fum depositin' deir bre'd in dese so's called Monetary Safe Gotsns.

I's gots'ta be so'ry ah' can not mosey on down to Africa, fo' ah' ain't one dat favo's de heights uh which de planes travel, and, I'm embarrased t'say, gots some heald condishun dat duzn't allow me t'go down high in altitude, fo' mah' internal o'gans could fail. It's some rare condishun mah' homey, called Passive Interio-Gastro Comprimision. 'S coo', bro. ah' can't even travel t'de Mountains uh Colo'ado, o' scuba dive beyond 20 feet underbooze. Dey say its some rare hereditary disease, ah' dink it's plum anoda' way fo' de Man t'keep some broda' waaay down. You's know whut ah' mean?

Now if ya' wish, ah' can find some bredren uh mine t'jimmey up an account in one uh de smalla' banks in mah' city - dey is not monito'ed at all by de Man as often as de big ones.

Please advice me uh yo' plan uh acshun, Broda' Foude. Do ya' puh'haps wants' mah' numba' of de local payphone ah' can receive it at?

Ben

Unjived Reply :

I was so worried about you, I didn't hear from you in two days. I was afraid that you have been Opressed by The Man, or if not him, then someone high up in The System. Oh Foude, I did not sleep well the past two days, never again give me such a scare!
Now, we must return to business, as you are opressed, and I, Ben Dover, live to fight the System, to aide the little man, that man is you Foude, and I wish to help. To Assist. To Deliver. TO FREEDOM!

I must warn you, like I haven't warned you already, that you must not trust the Banks - for they, my brother, are part of the system. You say you have all this money in a briefcase ? Keep it there! It is safer, even if thieves and coinsnatchers and dirty hobos litter your streets as you walk through it, it would be in better hands with you than anyone at any crooked financial institution.
I should know - I lost my life savings of 3 weeks wages at the bank over on 5th and Commerce. They claim they never heard of a Mr Dover, Ben, II - and as I am not of their kin, my word was not taken seriously by The Man. Since then, I have warned all my brothers from depositing their money in these so called Monetary Safe Havens.

I am sorry I can not come to Africa, for I am not one that favors the heights of which the planes travel, and, I'm embarrased to say, have a health condition that doesn't allow me to go up high in altitude, for my internal organs could fail. It's a rare condition my friend, called Passive Interio-Gastro Comprimision. I can't even travel to the Mountains of Colorado, or scuba dive beyond 20 feet underwater. They say its a rare hereditary disease, I think it's just another way for the Man to keep a brother down. You know what I mean?

Now if you wish, I can find a brethren of mine to open up an account in one of the smaller banks in my city - they are not monitored at all by the Man as often as the big ones.

Please advice me of your plan of action, Brother Foude. Would you like the number to the payphone here where I can receive your call?

Ben

Date : September 14, 2003
Subject : THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN
DearBen,

Thank you so much on how far you have gone already.please make haste the bad guys still locate me in my hide out almost everyday that is why I want you to help me by being fast a kind of,please your accout number is nessecary because its international trasfer from one company to the other so please every documents should be legal as I will soon be a foreigner in your country,please remember that the 15000000us dollars is too much for me to loose it at the point of when I should be happy to develop it,so Ben what so ever you are doing in this respect pleasr be fast,I may not afford to go crasy by looseing this honey.and also remember your 30%and also being into partnership in the business that I will go into.
I am waitint to hear from you soon.
Foude

Howdy Foude!

Thar is no need t'thank me, let me thank yo'! Fry mah hide! Fo' it is yo' who has given me this hyar oppo'tunity t'strike a blow t'Th' Man, t'brin' up th' li'l man, fum th' bowels of wretched stench known as opresshun. ah w'd like t'grab yo' by th' sh'ders an' shove yo' into mah bosom of brotherly love, fo' Foude, yer truely a man amoung men, as enny fool kin plainly see.

Th' noomrs fum which yer buck o' two will be saved is 18 002255 288, it's easy, jest dial down th' middle mah friend, cuss it all t' tarnation. Th' varmint whom which yo' kin thank fo' this hyar is named Carrot Top, a man - who even eff'n he is part of th' System, is too foolish t'knowin'ly accepp he is bein' Opressed, cuss it all t' tarnation.

May th' spirits be wif yo'.

Ben Dover

UnJived Reply :

Hello Foude! There is no need to thank me, let me thank you! For it is you who has given me this opportunity to strike a blow to The Man, to bring up the little man, from the bowels of wretched stench known as opression. I would like to grab you by the shoulders and shove you into my bosom of brotherly love, for Foude, you are truely a man amoung men.

The numers from which your buck or two will be saved are 18 002255 288, it's easy, just dial down the middle my friend. The person whom which you can thank for this is named Carrot Top, a man - who even if he is part of the System, is too foolish to knowingly accept he is being Opressed.

May the spirits be with you.

Ben Dover

Date : September 16, 2003
Subject : THE BANK PERSONEL WILL CONTACT YOU
BrotherBen,

I will always thank you for your effort meanwhile,I am also greatful to have reach someone like you.
within the week I will link you with a person who will send the transfer to you,he is a brother also he has being assisting me all these while I have the problem,and he said that he will not leave me untill the whole thing is done successfully.he works in the bank and has agree to do it in his own way to make it easier.
I may not be able to call you for now because those guys of police are still watching over my movements and all that I do even telephone calls my conversations and so on,so with this,I am watching my way yet and will reach you when I feel its convinence to do so,lets keep on with mail for now.
So as I said earlier the personel will write you to indicate to you that he will be the person that will also help in this furtune.
Do you kn ow why I write much when on the mail?its because of those guys.so keep up the mind that you have started with.
I am greatful.
Sincerely yours,
Foude Yakuba

Brother Foude Yakuba

Duzn't ya' wo'ry none Foude, everyone be grateful t'Ben Dover. Ah be baaad... Why, on mah' street, ah' hear everyone say t'each oda' how great it be to gots been aquitined t'Ben Dova', and how dey wish t'get t'Ben Dova' even mo'e. It makes me shine, mah' soul, on de inside t'know ah' have touched sucka's such as dem - and ya'.

Lawds, God be Praised ya' gots some Broda' to help ya' out at da damn Bank, it sounds likes he be a Undercova' Broder, fightin' against De Man, likes sump'n out some Movie o' sump'n. ah' shall eagerly await his message, and kin't wait t'cut him de Pleasho' man, dat be knode, uh Ben Dover.

I be saddened ya' won't be contactin' me much longer, ah' have grown fond uh yo' messages, now dat arrive mo'e often den when we started. You's gots'ta be goin' drough hard times, cuz' de tears on de messages stain de letters, and make dem hard t'read. ah' can only tell ya' t'hold on, de Opression gots'ta soon yet be over, Fight da damn Powa' Broda' Foude. Fight da damn Power.

Ah be baaad...

Ben

The Unjived Vesion :

Brother Foude

Don't you worry none Foude, everyone is grateful to Ben Dover. Why, on my street, I hear everyone say to each other how great it is to have been aquitined to Ben Dover, and how they wish to get to Ben Dover even more. It makes me shine, my soul, on the inside to know I have touched people such as them - and you.

Lawds, God be Praised you got a Brother to help you out at the Bank, it sounds like he is a Undercover Brother, fighting against The Man, like something out a Movie or something. I shall eagerly await his message, and can't wait to give him the Pleasure, that is known, of Ben Dover.

I be saddened you won't be contacting me much longer, I have grown fond of your messages, now that arrive more often then when we started. You must be going through hard times, because the tears on the messages stain the letters, and make them hard to read. I can only tell you to hold on, the Opression will soon yet be over, Fight the Power Brother Foude. Fight the Power.

Ben

Date : September 16, 2003
Subject : I am with you!
Dear Brother Ben,

Thank you for the mail you sent.all the content is understood,thank you also for the man you have provided to assist in this trasaction.

Tommorrow the Bank will write you as I told you today so kindly inform the man to expect the mail from the bank.as you said I am happy because the transaction will soon be over.that has giving me joy.I will also today try to call the man on phone as you have indicated in your letter,also tell him to expect phone call maybe this evening as time will permit.

I will be going to hideing place for now untill later in the day or morrow.

Have a nice time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sincerely yours

Foude yakuba

No reply was sent, after all, he has gone into hiding and I await a letter from the bank. I do get a kick out of his very first sentance. I find it hard to believe he really did understand everything.

Date : September 17, 2003
Subject : BANK PERSONEL
Hello Ben,

I got your Email through my client ,he have being for a long time asking me to help him and transfer his money to over sea.which we have not come to a conclution but two(2) days ago he came to me and said that he have found his brother where the money will be sent to ,so if what he is saying is true please kindly forward your particulars to me.I am a banker and Mr. foude Yakuba depositted some large amount of money in our bank 15000000 us dollars since ferbuary 1998 now that he said that he has gotting his brother in oversea so we will be oblarge to do so .Please send your full address and Fax and the account n umber where the money will be transfer.I am working with the Central Bank of Guinea in Conakry.
I am waiting edgerly to hear from you.
God bless you ,
Fernando Mendes

Fernando

Howdy! Fry mah hide! How is yo' this hyar fine day, other than fightin' th' Opresshun, th' Man, an' fo' mahse'f, th' Gout? Yessuh, Foude is a brother t'me, we is boun' by th' brotherhood thet binds us brotherly like as brethren t'fight th' not-so-brotherly - Th' Man, as enny fool kin plainly see. ah's told yo' knows of th' Man, an' how he opresses, an' despresses us. Yo' knows Fernan'o, Depresshun is merely th' emoshun of Anger wifout th' Enthusiasm, dawgone it. Thet dexcribes Foude t'me - a man, filled wif Anger, but not mighty Enthusiastic about it.

Ennyway, t'business! Mah sister, whom which Foude has heard about, "Ilean" wawks at th' local bank hyar. She's a fine sister, fights th' Man as fine, he'ped me secure a bank account.

Ben Dover
742 Evergreen Terrace
Springfield, USA
1-843-352-2786
Burn's Bank of Springfield Acct# 18 002255 288

God Bless yo' Fernan'o, an' Foude as fine, an' all th' li'l chilluns.

Ben Dover

Unjived Version :

Fernando Mendes:

Hello! How are you this fine day, other than fighting the Opression, the Man, and for myself, the Gout?

Yes, Foude is a brother to me, we are bound by the brotherhood that binds us brotherly like as brethren to fight the not-so-brotherly - The Man. I am told you know of the Man, and how he opresses, and despresses us. You know Fernando, Depression is merely the emotion of Anger without the Enthusiasm. That describes Foude to me - a man, filled with Anger, but not very Enthusiastic about it.

Anyway, to business! My sister, whom which Foude has heard about, "Ilean" works at the local bank here. She's a good sister, fights the Man as well, helped me secure a bank account.

Ben Dover
742 Evergreen Terrace
Springfield, USA
1-843-352-2786
Burn's Bank of Springfield Acct# 18 002255 288

God Bless you Fernando, and Foude as well, and all the little childrens.

Ben

Date : September 22, 2003
Subject : BANK
Mr. Ben Dover,

The mail you sent on friday came to us and where understood,but we are working out way to make the transfer easier to avoid much protocol.

Meanwhile find attachment to this mail and do accordingly.we have finish the proceedure and are waiting for your responce in this vein.

Remember Foude Yakuba your Brother have spokeing much about you in this transfer so you have to be fast because we have remove the file from the existance and cannot go back to restore it again.

waiting to hear from you soon.

Yours sincerely,

Fernando Mendes.

I was sick all weekend, and could not reply to him for a few days. Wouldn't you know it, Foude is impatient!

Date : September 22, 2003
Subject : THE BANK PERSONEL WILL CONTACT YOU
Dear brother ben,

I got your mail the other day.please I want know if you have send the address to the bank because I call the bank on friday and they said that they are working on the transfer proceedure,did you send the address?
please tell me because I count so much on you as a brother who is helping me.
I will come back to you later in the day.
reply is urgently needed.
Thanks and God bless you.
Foude

I need two replies, one to Foude, and his banker friend!

Hello Fernando!

I's gots'ta be not an educated man, if ya' dun did not know, ah' try so's hard t'hide it well. Since now we gots legal proceddin's t'agree downon, ah' have contacted mah' sister, Ilean Dover, t'read upside it and 'esplain it t'me. She gots'ta contact ya' real soon. 'S coo', bro.

Ben Dover

Unjived reply to Fernando:

Hello Fernando

I am not an educated man, if you did not know, I try so hard to hide it well. Since now we have legal proceddings to agree upon, I have contacted my sister, Ilean Dover, to read over it and explain it to me. She will contact you very soon.

Ben Dover

Yakuba!

Right on! I'm so's so'ry ah' have lost contact dis weekend. ah' come across $20 in de street, and hit da damn local 7-11 and gots me some large cold slammin' Colt 45 - de prefered drink uh my idol, Billy D Williams. You's gots Colt 45 in Africa? ah' sho' man hope so, fo' yo' sake.

I gots sent all de info'mashun t'yo' homey at da damn bank, everydin' be goin' smoody Broda' Yakuba. WORD! You's plum sit back and let Ben Dova' grab his ankles and snatch it likes man. 'S coo', bro. De only problem we gots be Fernando gots sent me some legal document, and ah' duzn't know how t'read - so, as embarrassin' as it is, ah' am callin' mah' sista' Ilean Dova' to help me fum hear on out. Man! She gots'ta contact Fernando today and gots dis matta' resolved soon. 'S coo', bro.

So's duzn't wo'ry, ya' kin mosey on down out fum unda' de floo'bo'ds soon Yakuba. WORD! When ya' do, ah' gots'ta snatch ya' t'dis place called Road Waste Cafe, where dey make da damn best daggum Bar B Que ya' eva' dun did feed da bud - de meat drips off de bones, and da damn Colt 45 be always cold. Hang ten broder, I'm prayin' fo' ya'! Right on!

Ben Dover

Unjived Reply to Yakuba

Yakuba!

I'm so sorry I have lost contact this weekend. I come across $20 in the street, and hit the local 7-11 and got me some large cold slamming Colt 45 - the prefered drink of my idol, Billy D Williams. You have Colt 45 in Africa? I sure hope so, for your sake.

I have sent all the information to your friend at the bank, everything is going smoothy Brother Yakuba. You just sit back and let Ben Dover grab his ankles and take it like man. The only problem we have is Fernando has sent me a legal document, and I don't know how to read - so, as embarrassing as it is, I am calling my sister Ilean Dover to help me from hear on out. She will contact Fernando today and have this matter resolved soon.

So don't worry, you can come out from under the floorboards soon Yakuba. When you do, I will take you to this place called Road Kill Cafe, where they make the best daggum Bar B Que you ever did eat - the meat drips off the bones, and the Colt 45 is always cold. Hang ten brother, I'm praying for you!

Ben Dover

And now, the introduction of Ilean Dover
Instead of "Jive", I have selected the "Elmer Fud" dilectilizer!

Hewwo Fewnando

Pwease give me the pweasuwe to intwoduce mysewf, my name is Ilean Dover, sistew of Ben Dover, and head Sistew of the entiwe Dovew Famiwy. Ouw wegs awe wike ouw awms my fwiend - wide open, uh-hah-hah-hah. You have to fowgive my Bwothew Ben, as he is ignowant in the mattews of wegaw documents and the Engwish Wanguage. No doubt, you awweady can teww I'm a mowe intewwectuaw pewson, as my wwiting skiwws suwpas that of Ben, uh-hah-hah-hah.

Anyway, I have wooked ovew the photocopy document that you have passed by my bwothew, and it wooks awmost in owdew.

Howevew, I see some discwepincies. Oh, dat scwewy wabbit!

Fiwst, his fuww name is Ben Dovew II, he is a continued wine aftew his fathew. Second, Pwease Capitawize Spwingfiewd at the top of the document, you can nevew be too suwe what State Spwingfiewd is wocated in, uh-hah-hah-hah. Why, De Simpson Consensus - which has been awound ovew 10 yeaws, stiww hasn't given us a good cwawification as too such.

Pwease make these two cowwections, and I wiww weqwest Ben Dover to send sum of $4750.55 as soon as he gets the Money.

Ilean Dover

Un-Elmer Fudd Reply :

Hello Fernando

Please give me the pleasure to introduce myself, my name is Ilean Dover, sister of Ben Dover, and head Sister of the entire Dover Family. Our legs are like our arms my friend - wide open. You have to forgive my Brother Ben, as he is ignorant in the matters of legal documents and the English Language. No doubt, you already can tell I'm a more intellectual person, as my writing skills surpas that of Ben.

Anyway, I have looked over the photocopy document that you have passed by my brother, and it looks almost in order.

However, I see some discrepincies.

First, his full name is Ben Dover II, he is a continued line after his father. Second, Please Capitalize Springfield at the top of the document, you can never be too sure what State Springfield is located in. Why, The Simpson Consensus - which has been around over 10 years, still hasn't given us a good clarification as too such.

Please make these two corrections, and I will request Ben Dover to send sum of $4750.55 as soon as he gets the Money.

Ilean Dover

Date : September 22, 2003
Subject : THANK YOU FOR YOUR EFFORT SO FAR
Dear Brother Ben,

I am happy hearing from you once agian.Immediately I finish write to you I went to the Bank personel Mr. Fernando Menes after his office work at home and he said that he has sent to you the documents that you need for the transfer.I am happy for your effort meanwhile I am asureing you that I will not forget you in Life.
Please do all you can to see that this transfer in done on time as I am makeing an arrengement on my preparation to come over as soon as its over.remember that you have to send me a letter of invitation to meet with you there for onword continuation in life.
So I am looking forward to hear from you maybe tommorow and to know the latest about it all. please dont let down as I am hopeing on you .
I am waiting to hear from you soon.
yours brother,
Foude Yakuba

Sent no reply, after all we need the banker !

Date: September 23, 2003
Subject : BANK
Attn,Mr.Ben Dover11,

I got your mail yesterday about closing hour,its undertsood all you said about the correction.
Its done!!!!! Please handle with care I told you that I have remove the file from existance .your brother always come to me on this case and I have done the best I can about it,be fast on it so that this can finish now till tommorow.
I will be waiting for your reply before closing hour send it fast to round it up immediatly.

Find attachment to this mail a copy of the bank document.
yours sincerely,
Fernando Mendes.

I can't believe it. He made the changes. He understood Elmer Fud Speak. Here's the really funny part - he wants me to transfer the money ASAP. But please tell me, where is the account number? The great Banker has posted MY Checking account information (fake) but has not given me his account number.

Well, that makes my reply very easy!

Fernando

Oh hell, ah' see mah' sister, de puh'fecshunist, gots requested ya' t'inclued mah' full dojigger, ah' swear! Right on! Anyway, ah' plum gots done hittin' down de local 7-11 waaay down de street, and gots gotsten ya' yo' $4,740.55. ah' went t'de bank Ilean wo'ks at, and we gots wired ya' de bre'd t'Burn's Banks ofSpringfield, Account #1800 2255 288. ah' ain't entirely sho' man whut dis gots accomplished, as de banka' tells me ah' have only wired da damn bre'd fum mah' account into mah' account, and it cost me $50! Right on!

Anyway, de bre'd gots been sent. Man! God Speed t'ya' Fernando, and ah' cut my blessin's t'Foude.

Please Hurry, as now de local honky pigs gots some warrent out fo' mah' arrest, ya' see, digtin' dat bre'd fo' ya' wuzn't 'esactly edical, and da damn owna' of de 7-11 be very downset. Man!

Ben Dover

Unjived Reply

Oh hell, I see my sister, the perfectionist, has requested you to inclued my full name, I swear! Anyway, I just got done hitting up the local 7-11 down the street, and have gotten you your $4,740.55. I went to the bank Ilean works at, and we have wired you the money to Burn's Banks of Springfield, Account #1800 2255 288. I am not entirely sure what this has accomplished, as the banker tells me I have only wired the money from my account into my account, and it cost me $50!

Anyway, the money has been sent. God Speed to you Fernando, and I give my blessings to Foude.

Please Hurry, as now the local police have a warrent out for my arrest, you see, getting that money for you wasn't exactly ethical, and the owner of the 7-11 is very upset.

Ben Dover

I should also sent word to Yokuba that I have paid his friend the money...

Yokuba

Praise...uh, ah' duzn't know, which God do ya' Praise when youse real happy? Well, Praise Him! Right on! ah' have sent da damn bre'd, even dough I'm confused about how de transfa' is goin' t'wo'k (Ax' yo' homey Fernando) ah' have done as ax'ed. Please accept mah' danks in allowin' me t'help ya', t'keep ya' fum bein' Opressed, t'strike some blow t'De Man - Kung Fu Style! Right on!

I gots'ta go now, so cut me some slack, Jack. ah' radical robbed some 7-11 waaay down de street, and now De Man be afta' Me! Right on! ME! Right on! Ben Dover! Right on! Damn de Man, tryin' t'opress me fo' helpin' out dose in greata' need. Oh, look at me rap likes dat, ah' know nodin' about hidin' fum de Man likes You's do, Broda' Foude.

When ah' get mah' 15 million dollars, de fust doodad I'll do be turn mah'self in, pay de bail, and pay de damages - no contest. Man!

Ben Dover

Unjived Reply

Yokuba

Praise...uh, I don't know, which God do you Praise when you're really happy? Well, Praise Him! I have sent the money, even though I'm confused about how the transfer is going to work (Ask your friend Fernando) I have done as asked. Please accept my thanks in allowing me to help you, to keep you from being Opressed, to strike a blow to The Man - Kung Fu Style!

I must go now. I sort of robbed a 7-11 down the street, and now The Man is after Me! ME! Ben Dover! Damn the Man, trying to opress me for helping out those in greater need. Oh, look at me talk like that, I know nothing about hiding from the Man like You do, Brother Foude.

When I get my 15 million dollars, the first thing I'll do is turn myself in, pay the bail, and pay the damages - no contest.

Ben Dover

Date : September 23, 2003
Subject : THANK YOU FOR YOUR EFFORT SO FAR
Dear brother Ben,

Thank you for your mail,I understand that you have some problems with the police or what ever,I am sorry about it.I hope it has not cost you alot to rescue yourself from it.
I meet with the banker Mr. Fernando today and he said that he has sent you the requrements that you need to complete the process.
Please brother Ben I am beging you to try all you can to see what you can do and see that this money be sent to you immediately.
The problem you are having please hang it on when the money is transfered you can settle it through the money.I am not happy that you enter into trouble,I am sorry about it.Immediately this money comes your way please from it and settle the so called 7-11 problem that is looking for you up and down.
So I am going to my hideing place untill tommorrow,please communicate me how ever.
Did you recieve the bank copy of the transfer process? please dont worry about how the money will be transfered to your account the man is an expert he has work with the bank for a long time and he know the work very well.I am asureing you that you will smile at the end of the day when you finally got the money.I am your brother okey.
Foude Yakuba

Ok, too damn funny. "Please dont worry how the money will be transfered to your account the man is an expert he has work with the bank for a long time and he know the work very well"
No response sent, after all we are both in hiding and now I need Fernando!

Date: September 24, 2003
Subject : BANK
Attn Ben Dover 11,

Thank you for mail of yesterday but I didnot understand the content thereof,The bank is edgerly waiting for you.
The Director or the bank is not happy the way you are delaying the process.
Try and send the money today through western union to enable us complete the transfer tommorrow.
sent it to:MR FERNANDO MENDES
The reason why I ask you to send it through western union is that the bank process will last for three(3) to four(4)working days before the money will clear up,this is also to enable us to finish all about the transfer tommorow as I promise.
I wait enestly for your mail yesterday but it was all late hour your phone call you did not call,I want to know your faith in this transfer for me to know how to forward my documents.and for your information about this transfer please call me on phone for any clearification that you may stand in need. this is the phone once again;001137747691580...
try and call me today as I am in the office now untill closing hour.
Please get this done today !!!!!!!!!.
I am waiting to hear from you.
Thanks,
Fernando Mendes.

Fernando Mendes

I know whut ya' mean about not dig itin' de content, neida' do I. ah' sent da damn bre'd to Account #1800 2255 288. De bre'd wuz received, as it came fum de same account. Man! It cost me $50. De Receipt uh Transacshun Numba' is Sept23-UKF43K. ah' dun did as ah' wuz ax'ed.Wait, is you sho' man ya' gave me YOUR Account Number? Whut be yo' checkin' account numba' fo' me t'transfa' de bre'd to???

I tried t'call, but da damn payphone at 5d and Mason duzn't likes t'call wid dat many numbers, De call gots'ta not go drough, I'm so's opressed, de joker obvoisly gots hold uh de rap rod company. Slap mah fro!

Please Hurry me, de Honky pigs is lookin' fo' me, it seems dat blow t'de haid uh de dude at 7-11 wuz serious, and dey is rappin' jail time, ah' need t'go back into hidin', but da damn bre'd be sent, please receive and help! Right on!

Ben Dover

UnJived Reply :

Fernando Mendes

I know what you mean about not understanding the content, neither do I. I sent the money to Account #1800 2255 288. The money was received, as it came from the same account. It cost me $50. The Receipt of Transaction Number is Sept23-UKF43K. I did as I was asked. Wait, are you sure you gave me YOUR Account Number? What is your checking account number for me to transfer the money to???

I tried to call, but the payphone at 5th and Mason doesn't like to call with that many numbers, The call will not go through, I'm so opressed, the man obvoisly has hold of the phone company.

Please Hurry me, the Police are looking for me, it seems that blow to the head of the guy at 7-11 was serious, and they are talking jail time, I need to go back into hiding, but the money is sent, please receive and help!

Ben Dover

Yokuba

I'm wo'ried Broder, fo' Fernando seems confused. He dun did NOT gimme his account number. Ah be baaad... His Rap rod Numba' is NOT wo'kin'. ah' accidently sent da damn bre'd into MY checkin' account, NOT HIS. Please tell him t'straighten down and dig his act togeder, o' his Bank Managa' gots'ta find out he be incompetent and let him go! Right on! ah' duzn't wants' him t'lose his job, but he ain't hangin' dis professionally!

Right on!

Ben Dover

Unjived Reply

Yokuba

I'm worried Brother, for Fernando seems confused. He did NOT give me his account number. His Phone Number is NOT working. I accidently sent the money into MY checking account, NOT HIS. Please tell him to straighten up and get his act together, or his Bank Manager will find out he is incompetent and let him go! I don't want him to lose his job, but he isn't doing this professionally!

Ben Dover

Date: September 24, 2003
Subject : BROTHER BEN HELP ME ON THIS TO ON
Dear brother Ben,

Thank you for your mail.
I want you to understand that Mr.Fernando Mendes dose not understand the english that you are using to write,even the Bank Director cannot read it so this is a problem to them also.so dont blame him.
Now Mr. Fernando is saying that you have to send it through western union tommorow to enable him finish the work as it remain little to complete.
Brother Ben please do me a favour by withdrawing the money out and sent it through western union tommorow because this is easy to make the work go quick and the bank said that if it sent through bank system it will take three(3) to four(4) working days to clear up here,but that will make things go slow as I personally wants to leave without further delay I am tired of Africa m..e..n I want to come and join you over there.
Please do all you can you know my condition as I am in hiding the police and intercom are sometimes go after me I am worried about it all.please do this today,I cannot keep suffering here without freedom ,I cannot go party,no woman,no friends,youknow all these.
I am looking forward to hear that you have made it tommorow,please I am begging you brother help me,I want the money to leave here first that is why I want you to sent it through western union so that they will complete the transfer and give me the transfer certificate then I will forward it to you as they will immediately forward it to your bank.
please brother help me ,the money is for two of us.
As soon as you sent me an email confirming that you have sent the money to Mr fernando then I will make my way to meet with you and plan how to use the money there in America.
please I am waiting to hear from you tommorow.
Foude

FINALLY, admission they can't understand me. I was getting really worried about them two fellers!

Foude

Whut do ya' mean ya' duzn't dig it me? ah' scribble likes ah' talk. Ya' know? ah' know whut we kin do, ah' gots'ta scribble dis reply t'ya' much slowa' dan no'mal, hopefully by de time ya' receive it, ah' gots'ta be done writin' it, dus makin' it easia' to eyeball. Momma dun didn't raise no quitta' Foude, ah' gots'ta NOT quit helpin' YOU.

I kin't leave mah' crib right now t'de bank, fust - de bank be closed. Dere is honky pigs outside still lookin' fo' me as well, as de 7-11, ah' bust down real baaaad t'get yo' bre'd. ah' called mah' sista' Ilean Dova' at da damn bank, she gots'ta try and mosey on down ova' right now t'help. Jes hang loose, brud. However, ah' can't promise help today - hopefully tomo'ow de Man gots'ta stop lookin' fo' Ben Dover. Ah be baaad...

I gots yo' bre'd, it's in mah' bank, minus $50 dough, remember, ah' wuz charged $50 fo' wirin' de bre'd into mah' own account. Man! Tell me about Western Union, whut gots'ta I do t'drow de bre'd t'ya' wid Western Union? Please tell me soon, ah' need da damn bre'd t'make bail and make amends wid Apu Nahasapeemapetilon (de dude dat owns de 7-11).

Please Hurry Broda' Fuede, ah' love ya'.

Ben Dover

Unjived Reply

Foude

What do you mean you don't understand me? I write like I talk. I know what we can do, I will write this reply to you much slower than normal, hopefully by the time you receive it, I will be done writing it, thus making it easier to read. Momma didn't raise no quitter Foude, I will NOT quit helping YOU.

I can't leave my house right now to the bank, first - the bank is closed. There are police outside still looking for me as well, as the 7-11, I bust up really bad to get your money. I called my sister Ilean Dover at the bank, she will try and come over right now to help. However, I can't promise help today - hopefully tomorow the Man will stop looking for Ben Dover.

I have your money, it's in my bank, minus $50 though, remember, I was charged $50 for wiring the money into my own account. Tell me about Western Union, what must I do to send the money to you with Western Union? Please tell me soon, I need the money to make bail and make amends with Apu Nahasapeemapetilon (the guy that owns the 7-11).

Please Hurry Brother Fuede, I love you.

Ben Dover

Date : September 25, 2003
Subject : BROTHER BEN HELP ME ON THIS TO ON
Dear Brother Ben,

Thank you for the mail you sent to me,Please when you ask you will know about it ,its so easy ,when you got to the place where they are ,tell them that you want to send some money out,now this is the name you will use to seng it:Mr.Fernando Mendes,
Republic de Guinea ,conakry.
western union.
please if you send it through this name and address then it will surely go to him and then the trouble will be over,today or tommorow.

All over cities of America has western union try and ask your sister,or ask for DEMS money transfer this is quicker too and they also pay in dollar according to people here.

Please I am so opressed in this situation I know that you are trying but please do more trying than what you have done,it for the interest of two of us.

I am waiting to hear that it is sent to Mr Fernando so that I can find my way to meet with you over there in America.
Hurry up please there is no more time left let it finish this week please.kindly do it.
Thanks
God bless you,
Foude.

Date: September 25, 2003
Subject : BANK
Attn,Ben Dover11,

Thank you for your mail,

We are waiting to hear from you,meanwhile the Central Bank de Guinea do not recieve little money of such kind,there main work is to distribute money to the private Banks and to send out money to oversea Banks.I just have to be plain for you to understand it well.even if we give you the account in the Bank it will take up to four(4) working days before the money will clear,and so many other processure that follows.

We are expecting that you send it today because the Bank Director and the Manager is asking me what is delaying the transfer and I told them that the demurrage has not being paid yet and they all are in waiting to complete the transfer today as I promise you.I am waiting for you to sent it through WESTERN UNION today so that we will finish our work in intransfering the money to your account.

yours sincerely,

Fernando Mendes.

I have to leave town for a few days, but I have gotten a crazy idea.....Tease them with the money Ben Dover "Stole" from 7-11, claim I have to leave town for a few days to find more money, and hope they start to salivate looking at this deception, so when I return, maybe see how stupid they REALLY are....

Yakuba

We gots serious problems uh Opression Broda' Foude De honky pigs is still lookin' fo' me, since ah' robbed 7-11 uh $4,920.00. ah' dought dat would be enough bre'd t'help ya', but it be NOT! Right off!

Mrs Hugnkiss at Western Union, she figurered in Taxes and Shippin', now de price be TOO HIGH, ah' do not gots enough bre'd, ah' duzn't know whut t'do! Right on!? ah' tried t'get Amanda t'ship it widout Taxes, but dey gots'ta not let me. ah' am so'ry Foude, Dis be all de bre'd ah' have, and ah' can't risk goin' out and robbin' anoda' convience sto'e, fo' ah' am some wants'ed man, likes ya', ah' am in hidin'.

I tell ya' whut ah' gots'ta try t'do, ah' gots'ta visit mah' Cousins dat live outside town tonight, and see if dey kin lend me some bre'd. You's may not hear fum me fo' some few days, as it's some very long walk - mah' wheels wuz snatchn fum me by De Man, some punishment fo' mah' crimes.

Do ya' dig it ? ah' gots'ta contact ya' again hopefully by Monday, as ah' gots'ta walk t'deir crib and back on feet wid baaaad Gout. Man! Pray fo' mah' Quick Return

Ben Dover

Unjived Reply

We have serious problems of Opression Brother Foude

The police are still looking for me, since I robbed 7-11 of $4,920.00. I thought that would be enough money to help you, but it is NOT!

Mrs Hugnkiss at Western Union, she figurered in Taxes and Shipping, now the price is TOO HIGH, I do not have enough money, I don't know what to do!? I tried to get Amanda to ship it without Taxes, but they will not let me. I am sorry Foude, This is all the money I have, and I can't risk going out and robbing another convience store, for I am a wanted man, like you, I am in hiding.

I tell you what I will try to do, I will visit my Cousins that live outside town tonight, and see if they can lend me some money. You may not hear from me for a few days, as it's a very long walk - my car was taken from me by The Man, a punishment for my crimes. Do you understand ? I will contact you again hopefully by Monday, as I must walk to their house and back on feet with bad Gout.

Pray for my Quick Return

Ben Dover

Date : September 26 2003
Subject : THANK YOU
Dear Brother Ben,

I am happy for your effort meanwhile.I will go to Mr.fernando Mendes to night to tell him to wait untill monday you are talking about.
but please as I told you I cannot go out even to clear the money for mr. fernando ,So please send it to his own address and name which is ,
MR.FERNANDO MENDES
REPUBLIC DE GUINEA,CONAKRY.
please while you send it please let it go to Guinea conakry ,once agian Guinea Conakry,there are so many guinea and if you didnot put conakry the money will not go to him.please do it accordingly as I am waiting to hear from you that is over.
I am going to my hiding place till monday I will check my mail agian.
Thank you for your effort.try okey..
I am sorry for the problems.
yours brother,
Foude Yakuba

Date : September 30, 2003
Subject : WHAT IS THE PROBLEM
Dear Brother Ben,

How are you today? have you return from the place you went.
Ben, today is teusday and I have not heard from you all these while hope all is well with you, I just want to know if you are in good condition of health.
Brother,the bank personal is so worried about your silence and they are saying that you should come up with your information so that they will know what do.
Tell me what is the problem for now,if you did not got the money is no problem,you better tell me to know what to do to help myself to restore the money back to the bank once more.
Come up with your information lattest today, so that I will know how far.
I am somuch worried about you,and can not tell what it is all about.
tell me today,I am waiting for you.
Thanks,
Brother,Foude Yakuba

Foude

Din's is not well. ah' plum gots back fum mah' cousins crib, he gots no bre'd t'lend me. ah' also hit down mah' cousin's sister,she gots no bre'd. No' mah' cousin's sister's broder. Ah be baaad... No' mah' cousin's sister's broder's nephew, so cut me some slack, Jack. No' mah' cousin's sister's broder's newphew's uncle. No' mah' cousin's sister's broder's newphew's uncle's fader-in-law, so cut me some slack, Jack. No' mah' cousin's sister's broder's newphew's uncle's Big Daddy in law's wuzha' repair man. 'S coo', bro. Doodads is Tight here, know whut ah' mean? Doodads is tough all over. Ah be baaad...

So's I walked back in late last night, ah' would gots been crib soona' if de Gout wuzn't actin' down again. 'S coo', bro. I'm tellin' ya' Foude, mah' feet is swollen likes large purple onions, and mah' bunions smell uh dem too. 'S coo', bro. But enough about me, back t'business Foude.

Again, ah' tell ya' ah' do not gots all de bre'd, and fo' dat, ah' am truely so'ry. Slap mah fro! ah' only stole $4,920.00, and da damn Western Union total be $5,383.72. I'm also so'ry t'say, dat now ah' only gots $4,900.00, as ah' had t'steal some Fried Chicken upside de weekend t'eat. Man! So, now ah' am sho't $483.72. ah' NEED $483.72 so's I kin drow ya' all dat bre'd. Dese sucka's here at Mo'ty's pay me real little, afta' all, ah' do real little. ah' get paid anoda' $100 on Friday, but dat means ah' have t'wo'k FIVE weeks t'get $500, and den ah' can drow ya' dis bre'd.

I know ya' is in dire need, howeva' I'm sho't on funds, de honky pigs is afta' me still, and ah' duzn't know whut t'do. 'S coo', bro. ah' can't stopy cryin' Yakuba, ah' know mah' problems is nodin' compared t'yo's.

Whut kin You's do t'help me?

Ben Dover and Waitin'

Unjived Reply :

Foude

Things are not well. I just got back from my cousins house, he has no money to lend me. I also hit up my cousin's sister,she has no money. Nor my cousin's sister's brother. Nor my cousin's sister's brother's nephew. Nor my cousin's sister's brother's newphew's uncle. Nor my cousin's sister's brother's newphew's uncle's father-in-law. Nor my cousin's sister's brother's newphew's uncle's father in law's washer repair man. Things are Tight here, know what I mean? Things are tough all over.

So I walked back in late last night, I would have been home sooner if the Gout wasn't acting up again. I'm telling you Foude, my feet are swollen like large purple onions, and my bunions smell of them too. But enough about me, back to business Foude

Again, I tell you I do not have all the money, and for that, I am truely sorry. I only stole $4,920.00, and the Western Union total is $5,383.72. I'm also sorry to say, that now I only have $4,900.00, as I had to buy some Fried Chicken over the weekend to eat. So, now I am short $483.72. I NEED $483.72 so I can send you all that money. These people here at Morty's pay me very little, after all, I do very little. I get paid another $100 on Friday, but that means I have to work FIVE weeks to get $500, and then I can send you this money.

I know you are in dire need, however I'm short on funds, the police are after me still, and I don't know what to do. I can't stop crying Yakuba, I know my problems are nothing compared to yours.

What can You do to help me?

Ben Dover and Waiting

Subject : WHAT IS THE PROBLEM?
Date : October 1 2003
Dear Brother Ben,

I am happy to hear from you once again, i was too worried when I didnot hear from.
Now brother Ben I understand problem you are passing through,now that you said that you are having $4920.00,the balance to complete the tax is $483.72, from this I will go to Mr.Fernando Mendes to explain to him the conditions so far with the Director of the Bank Mr. Dauda Sesay and the Bank Manager Mr. Ibrahima Toure.I have called Mr. Fernando on phone and he said that I should meet with them tommorow morning to have round table meeting in the bank to find solution to the problem,remember it was last week friday this money suppose to have left to america even the western union slip you send to me was printed out and I am going to show it them in the meeting tommorow to avoid doubt from them.
Mr. Fernando Mendes said that I should be there 10.00am guinea conakry time and this time will be 6.00am in New york, so please try all you can to check your mail 8.00 am tommorow moring American time tommorow to get the result of the Bank personal meeting with them.
Brother Ben I know that you have suffered a lot but I know that we are going to laugh at end immediately this transfer is made all the suffering will be over,I know that you have gone through so many problem but you have to know that to be a man is not a day job,I know how your are suffering and I know that we are going to make it immediately the transfer is made,we are going to be happy at last.
please check your box 8.00am American time tommorow morning,I will give you the out come of the meeting,if God agree they will likely do something about it.
From your brother Foude Yakuba.

Subject : SOLUTION
Date : October 1 2003
Dear Brother Ben,

Yesterday as I told you that I will be in meeting with the bank personel,after the meeting I have with the Director of the bank and manager and Mr.Ferenando Meneds they all conclude that I sould stand as a garrantee for the balance money that will shot if you sent $4920.00,after you sent it through western union now I have taking the garrantee to pay it after the transfer is made.so please try and send the money today so that the transfer will be done tommorow morning.the total of $4920.00,try and send it today so that immediately the transfer is made tommorow you will from the $15,000,000 and send the balance to me to give to Mr. Fernando Mendes,
Please try and send it to the name of Mr. FERNANDO MENDES,
GUINEA CONAKRY,WEST AFRICA.
Please try and see that you send it today so that the transfer will be made tommorow moring by all means.
Thanks,
brother Foude.

Foude

Dis be great news indeed! Right on! De honky pigs outside mah' crib seem t'have dinned out some bit, ah' gots'ta go t'Western Union right now! Right on! Praise da damn Lo'd! Right on!

Ben Dover

Unjived Reply

Foude

This is great news indeed! The police outside my house seem to have thinned out a bit, I will go to Western Union right now! Praise the Lord!

Ben Dover

What!? Ben Dover is gonna wire the money you say? Well, he is such a nice guy...be a shame if something happened to him on the way to Western Union...so, four hours later...

Yakuba Foude

Hewwo, this is Ilean Dover. My bwothew Ben cawwed me fwom the jaiwhouse - the powice have awwested him fow wobbing the 7-11 down the stweet Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, uh-hah-hah-hah. is pwessing chawges fow assauwt and battewy, and theft. I'm going to the jaiw now to baiw his fat ass out, I'm wwiting you at HIS weqwest to infowm you that the money may be a wittwe wate coming. He pwofusuwy apowogizes fow this inconvienence. Ben's not a smawt man, but he's my bwothew and I stiww wove him. Do you have any bwothews Yakuba? Hopefuwwy they awe not as bad as Ben Dover.

Ilean Dover

Unjived Reply

Yakuba Foude

Hello, this is Ilean Dover. My brother Ben called me from the jailhouse - the police have arrested him for robbing the 7-11 down the street Apu Nahasapeemapetilon. is pressing charges for assault and battery, and theft. I'm going to the jail now to bail his fat ass out, I'm writing you at HIS request to inform you that the money may be a little late coming. He profusuly apologizes for this inconvienence.

Ben's not a smart man, but he's my brother and I still love him. Do you have any brothers Yakuba? Hopefully they are not as bad as Ben Dover.

Ilean Dover

Date : October 2, 2003
Subject : I AM SORRY
Dear brother/sister IIean Dover,

I read your mail and understand all that you have said about the situation.
I am very sorry for the problem Ben have at 7-11 and the police arresting him.I am here praying hard to God almighty that he may have mercy so that the problem will be over soon,I am sorry,but the problem now is that the Bank is sooooo much worried about the transfer and you know they all have prepare all procedure to see that the transfer is finish.
Please IIean my sister I am beging you to see that you take him on bail today please do all you can, I am praying hard here over the same police arresting him.
You know that Ben is your younger Brother all you have to do for him is constant advice if this is done always he will surely change from all that he is doing,and be a good man.
However please do give me informatuion regarding to his realise if it is done today,I will check my mail today again later in the day to see if he is out from the police.
Waiting to hear from you later today.
your brother Foude Yakuba.

Yakuba

I guess ya' heard, de Man caught down wid de Broda' Ben Dover, dey caught me as ah' wuz goin' t'Western Union. 'S coo', bro. De Man had some Plan, some honkyfool proof plan, and unfo'tunatly, ah' am some honkyfool. Good news be my sister, Ilean, made bail - on de bre'd ah' wuz goin' t'wire ya'. So, ah' dun did gots $4,900.00 dat wuz goin' t'come t'ya', but bail cost Ilean $2000 ! So's now, I'm waaay down t'$2,900. Can ya' rap t'de Bank Manager, tell him ah' only gots $2,900?

Please accept mah' apologies Broda' Yakuba, fo' ah' feel ah' have failed ya', and yo' life be in Peril. ah' gots'ta go, mah' Lawya' is here and we need t'discuss how I'm goin' t'be defended in court against da damn charges uh burglary and assault. Man! I's gots'ta be prayin' hard fo' ya' Broda' Yakuba, us two broders is bein' whup'en waaay down by de baton uh de Man, and it stin's likes hell.

Peace
Ben Dover

Unjived Version

Foude!

I guess you heard, the Man caught up with the Brother Ben Dover, they caught me as I was going to Western Union. The Man had a Plan, a fool proof plan, and unfortunatly, I am a fool. Good news is my sister, Ilean, made bail - on the money I was going to wire you. So, I did have $4,900.00 that was going to come to you, but bail cost Ilean $2000 ! So now, I'm down to $2,900.

Can you speak to the Bank Manager, tell him I only have $2,900? Please accept my apologies Brother Yakuba, for I feel I have failed you, and your life is in Peril. I gotta go, my Lawyer is here and we need to discuss how I'm going to be defended in court against the charges of burglary and assault.

I am praying hard for you Brother Yakuba, us two brothers are being beaten down by the baton of the Man, and it stings like hell.

Ben Dover

Subject : 8:00PM MEETING
Date October 3, 2003

Dear Ben Brother,

I felt about your problem here and I am woried about you going to court to face the charges,but be careful and the lawyer have to do something good to see how you can go free out of it all.
Meanwhile I have called Mr. Fernando Mendes on phone as you know that I cannot go out so easily ,immediately I receive the mail to know if there is anything he can do to help us out and do the transfer to your bank,and he said that I should signed a proper agreement with him and drop photocopy of my passport and my National Identity card,because of the agreement he have accepted the $2900.00 but he said that he is going to complete the transfer charges and send the money to your bank and as soon as the transfer is made and you receive the money you will send back the balance money to me here to pay him and collect my passport and identity card.I have just finish signing the agrement with Mr. Fernando Mendes now this evening time 800 p.m conakry time because I do not go out in the day time because of policemen.
Please Brother Ben I am doing this because I want you to be free from police so go staight to the western union now and send the money to Mr. Fernando Mendes so that the transfer will take place on Monday morning and you will use money from the transfer and settle your problem(the police) Do this now or first thing tommorow morning,I hope you know that we have 7hrs difference, now you should try all you can to send it so that on the 6th Oct. morning hours the transfer will be made into your account if he receive the money from you.
I personally I know that you are having problem of money and when you get this money in your account you can settle all the problem you are having.
Because of the delay the Bank Manager and Director of the Bank are taking Mr.Fernando Mendes as a layer and this is because Mr.Fernando made the $15000000 to stay on waiting to transfer list and they are not happy about this,so this is why he have to take the decision so that the transfer will be made.Even Mr. Fernando is thinking about you because he know how much you are suffering over there this is why he is doing it this way and you will not believe that my surname Yakuba and that of Mr. Fernando's wife is the same and the woman is trying very much pressing the husband to help me out in this problem .
Brother Ben, I am praying hard and I know that one day we are going to seat on one place to think about life and how we are going to enjoy the money.
So brother try on this as I have told you.
Brother Foude Yakuba
NB Please remember to send it to MR FERNANDO MENDES,
REPUBLIC DE GUINEA,CONAKRY.
WEST AFRICA.

October 7 2003

Enough of the Dialectilizer I say. This is getting stagnant. Time to change it's direction.

Yakuba

Dis may be da damn last time ah' can rap t'ya' fo' some time. ah' am allowed one last day t'make amends befo'e mah' Unjustified Incarcarashun by De Man in de Process uh Assistin' mah' Broder, Yakuba, in his time uh Severe Oppression. 'S coo', bro.

Fear not, mah' lawya' is some baaaad man, even dough he failed t'get me out uh Jail, he dun did save me fum de Dead Sentance. He gots'ta contact ya' and help ya'. His dojigger be Mr Cheatum, fust dojigger Dewey. Slap mah fro! He some baaaad man, as mah' dojigger be Ben Dover, Dewey be de most Respectable and honest Lawya' I know! Right on! May God gots Mercy on Our Souls, fo' Judge Tito dun did NOT. De Bastard.

Ben Dover

Unjived Version

Yokuba

This may be the last time I can talk to you for some time. I am allowed one last day to make amends before my Unjustified Incarcaration by The Man in the Process of Assisting my Brother, Yakuba, in his time of Severe Oppression.

Fear not, my lawyer is a good man, even though he failed to get me out of Jail, he did save me from the Death Sentance. He will contact you and help you. His name is Mr Cheatum, first name Dewey. He a good man, as my name is Ben Dover, Dewey is the most Respectable and honest Lawyer I know!

May God have Mercy on Our Souls, for Judge Tito did NOT. The Bastard.

Ben Dover

And Now May I humbly introduct the most honest lawyer that I know...

Subject : Case # 1029 : Reference (BEN DOVER 11)
Date : October 5 2003

Dewey Cheatum & Howe
Attorneys At Law
934 Main Street
Springfield USA

Hello YAKUBA FOUDE, my name is Lionel Hutz, Assistant Attorny for the Law Practices of Dewey Cheatum & Howe, the most respected law firm here in the city of Springfield. I was asked as a final wish by our previous client BEN DOVER 11 to contact you regarding a matter of the utmost urgency, in his exact words "If you can't help Brother Ben Dover from this Incarcaratin, please help my Brother, Yakuba" We understand Ben has already informed you of our wish to assist you.

Forgive me, however, Ben Dover is a very hard man to understand, which made his trial very difficult...however it was MURDER ONE...even though we failed to help him, we still got very good book deals, but nonetheless, we had issues with him, as I think you may understand what I'm saying.

So please YAKUBA, inform me of the problem you have had with Ben Dover, and we here will do our best to assist YOU in the matter.

Thank you for your time.

Lionel Hutz

(This Email is confidental, and solely intended to be read by the receipitant. Failure to abide by this confidintiality clause will result in many penalties)

For DeweyCheatum, I set up another email address and access it through webmail, to make it look like a totally different person now. It seems to have worked!

October 8 2003

From : =?iso-8859-1?q?yakuba=20foude?= <foudelink@yahoo.co.uk> Save Address
To : deweycheatum@satx.rr.com
Subject : I HAVE GOT YOUR MAIL
Date : Tue, 07 Oct 2003 23:02:57 +0100 (BST)

Dear, Dewey Cheatum,

I got the mail you sent to me all is understood,although I personnaly dont
know you,but I got a mail from my Brother Ben Dover11 about you,I understand
that he was introducing you to me as his Lawyer,I praying hard and if really
that you are a Lawyer try your best and get Ben out of the problem.
I am confuse and cannot tell exactly what my brother did that he deserve all
the suffering,I just want you to know that immediately I got your mail I
send it through cc copy to the Bank personnal Mr. Fernando Mendes that is
helping me in the transfer process,this is because I want to transfer
$15000000 to his account of which he have sent to me his Bank account and
the nessecary information about it all on this I have also sent it to Bank
and I hope they send the transfer document to him,and I do beleive that
when Mr.Fernando Mendes got the copy of the mail he will reply you because
he is a seriouse person.I may not have enough time to tell you in detail
what transper because its too long to tell.
I am affraid because we have come to the point that the transfer soppose to
have reach him before he wrote and said that he got some problem with 7-11.
Now the demmurage is what he surpose to pay to the Bank because the money
has being in the Bank for six years (6) that is where we are, and this has
kept the Bank Manager and the Director of the Bank and Mr.Fernando Mendes
who is the cashier in waiting, that is exactly where we stop before he had
all the problem.
To start with I dont know you and to me it seems that Brother Ben's problem
will lead him to jail because from the content of his mail he said that it
was under durace,I am affraid because I dont know the Garrantee and how it
will be if when the money is transfered to you if my Brother will know about
it and how is my percentage being secured,this is because the money is in
the transfer list to move before my Brother have the problem,because the
demurage which he surpose to pay which the Bank ask him to pay is $4750.55
this is the demurage he surpose to pay and the money will leave to him in
which he said that he have gotting part of the money before the problem with
7-11.
So please if I should do any thing with you then tell my brother Ben to
write me and declear it to me to go ahead and send it to you that there will
not be any problem.
If this is done then you have to send your full name,address,fax,account
number and the name of the bank where the money will go and your phone
number.
God Bless you.
my regards to my brother Ben Dover11
Foude Yakuba.

From : fernando mendes <fernando28m@yahoo.com> Save Address
To : deweycheatum@satx.rr.com
Subject : Fwd: BANK
Date : Tue, 07 Oct 2003 14:26:55 -0700 (PDT)

Note: forwarded message attached.

---------------------------------
Do you Yahoo!?
The New Yahoo! Shopping - with improved product search

Forward Message : Forward Message (265261 bytes)

The Forwarded Message was simply the picture of the Bank Transfer form from above. Evidently they both are buying this story.

Thinking of a reply here, and it's tough. I'm no lawyer, I can't write a professional Letter. However, he is several toppings short of a surpeme pizza, so here goes.

October 9 2003

Dewey Cheatum & Howe
Attorneys At Law
934 Main Street
Springfield USA

Yakuba Foude

I think we can both agree on one thing about our good friend Ben Dover, he isn't easy to understand. His Dialect is quite unique -- a concentration of Jive, unlike his sister, whom is a looney toon. The Good Lord blesses Ben -- he has a big heart, and will grab his knees and do what it takes to accommodate or assist anyone - in your case, it was to relieve you from unneeded suffering and anguish brought upon you by those abusing their power in the Government. Ben however, isn't a bright man - instead of getting money to help you from a legitimate source, he robbed a Convenience Store called 7-11 of about $5,000, and committed a few crimes. Unfortunately, the Prosecutors got the better of the Jury, and have given Ben Dover 5 Years in Jail without chance of Parole. I'm sorry, but he is also without Internet Access, and I only can speak to him between 3 and 5 PM on weekdays.

As mentioned before, Ben Dover is a difficult man to understand, however he made it clear he wishes me to help you. From what I understand, you inherited 15 million dollars from some sort of Dover Trust Fund in Africa, and you are unable to send the money to Ben due to Financial Institutional Restrictions. If this is the case, please tell me how much the Fee is for the Transfer, and I will consult with the Financial Comptroller here at Dewey Cheatum And Howe on how we shall proceed.

Also, Ben Dover gave me what was left of his cash, and I have deducted $750 for our initial Consultation we have had yesterday and today. There is $2,100.00 (Two Thousand One Hundred Dollars) left in the Dover Trust Fund. I hope we can resolve this issue within the next two consultations.

Thank you for allowing Dewey Cheatum and Howe assist you in your current Delinma

Lionel Hutz

(This Email is confidental, and solely intended to be read by the receipitant. Failure to abide by this confidintiality clause will result in many penalties)

October 9 2003

From : =?iso-8859-1?q?yakuba=20foude?= <foudelink@yahoo.co.uk> Save Address
To : deweycheatum@satx.rr.com
Subject : THE EXACT AMOUNT FROM THE BANK
Date : Thu, 09 Oct 2003 22:06:11 +0100 (BST)

Dear Lionel Hutz,

Thank you for your mail,its all understood ,the content is clear.
I am very sorry that my Brother Ben have such a problem that took him upto
five years in the jail,so you mean that he will definitely stay five
years?there is notting you as a lawyer can do to reduce the year term?I
personal dont know as a matter of fact that he stole from 7-11 oh God I dont
know it was stealing crime he commit,but thank God that he has a better
lawyer like you to help him out because here in Africa there is notting I
can do because of destance.But why can he do that kind of rubish why?
So may good God bless you for helping my brother but still know what you can
do to assist him the more so that the year term can be reduce.
Please help and send my regards to my sister Illian Dover, she is a very
good sister to say,now my brother Ben have put every body into thinking more
especially the little sister Illian who dont know anything.
Now back to business,I right now have no option and I dont know what to do
next,hence my brother have told you all about it and you did believe him I
will also believe you because from the tune of your letter I dont see you as
a bad person,actually there is no need to lay, all the personels are here
waiting to do the transfer like the Bank manager,the Director of the Bank
and chief accountant and the man in position who has all these while
assisting me Mr. Fernando Mendes,if there is anyone to thank is Mr. Fernando
Mendes who have stick to help without minding,there are all waiting to see
that the Demurrage is paid then the money will be transferd,this is the
exactly amount requested by the bank for the demurrages $4750.55 I want to
tell you that if this is paid immediately the transfer will be done.and this
is where we are before my brother have the problem with 7-11 and this have
kept me in confusion here.
Waiting to hear from you soon.
Thanks,
Foude Yakuba

Dewey Cheatum & Howe
Attorneys At Law
934 Main Street
Springfield USA

Yakuba Foude

Sorry for the delay in contacting you, we have just finished the appeal process for Mr Ben Dover II, and I'm afraid he will have to spend some time in Sprinfield Penititary. What's ironic is his cell mate is Robert Underdunk Terwilliger, aka "Sideshow Bob", who I just got done defending last month, and also failed to release since his last incursion at the Springfield Dam. This law Business is quite tough, let me tell you. I fear Ben Dover II won't be released anytime soon, he killed a very good pillar of the community in his effort to assist you, and the public isn't going to go light on him.

We have finished a round table discussion this weekend and fast tracked the Moniventual Proposal to send you, Yakuba Foude, $4750.55 by Western Union. It was agreed on by 4 to 1 Favor, and stipupended by the Flipidulants of the concourse of the Meeting. Therefor, by Line 78 of Article 45.5 of the Bar Association Code, we formally request the information to expidite payment to you in the amount of $4,750.55 by means of Western Union, and furthermore wish to invitrolly request the 15 million dollars to be paid into the Ben Dover Fund, set up already, but down to $600 due to weekend appeals process.

As mentioned, we must abide by the rules setforth by the Legal Bar Association. I'm afraid our consultation cost are $750, and there is only $600 left in the Ben Dover Fund. This consultation is already paid for as back balance, however, to send you the $4,750.55 we require you to send payment in the amount of $150. I know, this is confusing, let me explain.

The Legal Bar Association is what governs Lawyers, such as Dewey Cheatum and Howe. All services rendered MUST be paid and accounted for, and receipts made. If we are caught doing business without proper receipts of transactions, we will be stripped of our license and be unable to help you. Ben Dover was gracious enough to set up the Ben Dover Fund with his money to give you what we hoped was enough consultations to help, however we were unclear on just how much help you needed.

Rest Assured, if you send us the $150 to complete the bill on record for $750, by U.S. Law and regulations set forth by the Legal Bar Association, we duely undersigned (Dewey Cheatum & Howe) MUST send you the full balance of $4,750.55. The paperwork for Western Untion is already filled out - the funds in the amount of $4,750.55 (Four Thousand Seven Hundred Fifty Dollars and Fifty Five Hundreths) is already appropriated for Wire Transfer.

Please send the $150 Western Union to "Lionel Hutz"
The Secret Question they will suggest should be "Who is your Brother", and provide the answer "Ben Dover II" =

Once the money is received, the Receipt for the Legal Bar Association will be provided, and we will immidietly - as required by US Law - send you the balance of $4,750.55.

Thank you for allowing Dewey Cheatum & Howe to assist you.

Lionel Hutz

(This Email is confidental, and solely intended to be read by the receipitant. Failure to abide by this confidintiality clause will result in many penalties)

Ok, time to turn the table around.

Will he be stupid enough to send $150 you think? I seriously doubt it. However, I also doubt he is this stupid for this long. Time will tell!

From : =?iso-8859-1?q?yakuba=20foude?= <foudelink@yahoo.co.uk> Save Address
To : deweycheatum@satx.rr.com
Subject : I AM WAITING FOR YOU
Date : Mon, 13 Oct 2003 22:01:06 +0100 (BST)

Dear Lionel Hutz,Thank you for the mail you sent to me ,but its confusing,
I cannot understand the content thereof.The problem I have for transfering
my money to you is help and you are telling me about $150.00 I can't
understand what you mean by this.If there a way you can help me according to
what you hear from my brother Ben Dover11 go ahead but if there is not
please tell me.Please I know that you can help me on this transfer, so
please if you know where you can borrow the money you mention please do
so,so that this transfer will be conpleted this week as the Bank is soooo
much worried,and this is because the money is now on the transfer list
waiting to move,this is why I am worried.so as I was saying do something and
get money from somewhere and tell me the percentage that you may need for
such help,and I will do it when the money is on the way.Please I know you
that you dont know what I am suffering here on the case that provide the
money to me.Y ou know that my broth!
er Ben
Dover 11 has a problem and are being detained in the cell, I felt that if
the money is being sent to his name it will be a problem because when the
money get to him I will still need some money here to support myself and pay
my way to meet with you over there for investment,so please to avoid some
problem that will be sooooo much difficult to solve I sugest that you send
to me your full name,address,bank account,fax,telephone,and the name of the
bank with there e mail to eneble me go to the bank and tell them to change
the transfer form to your name as the beneficiary,this will help me in
providing money for my jorney to meet with you in the USA.As long as you are
the lawyer of my brother Ben,I believe you and I know that even if the money
is being transfered to you,you will still keep the part for him and the part
for me and from there I will need some money as I told to make my way and
also from there help my brother Ben in the prison as he will always need
some money to !
support
himself.And please when the money enter into your account I surgest that
you keep every account and record of your expenese.Please try all you can to
see that you send the $4750.55 to Mr. fernando Mendes who is in charge from
today till 15th of this month to enable the bank to do the transfer latest
on thursday 16th of October.I am thank you for your kind effort to regulate
the broblem of my brother and I believe that one day you will see me face to
face in the USA with Ben and family and your family as well.Thank you so
much.My regards,Foude Yakuba

HA, he doens't understand?!

Dewey Cheatum & Howe
Attorneys At Law
934 Main Street
Springfield USA

Yakuba Foude

The problem is, our law firm must abide by the laws and regulations set forth by the Legal Bar Association. By LAW, we must collect payment in the form of "Consultation Fees". These fees vary, ours are $750. By LAW, we must collect the fee and issue a RECEIPT for PROOF of CONSOLTATION. If we are audited by the Legal Bar Association and they find we have been practicing law without a LICENSE or RECEIPT, we will lose our business. This isn't my rules - it is the law that our law firm, and others, must abide by.

However, the law is on your side - as when payment is issued and a receipt is given, we have a OBLIGATORY RIGHT to abide by THE CONTRACT. The Contract, between Dewey Cheatum & Howe is to provide YOU with $4,750.55 (Four Thousand Seven Hundred Fifty Dollars and 55 Hundredths), but the only way we can execute that contract is to cover the Consultation fee of $750. Ben Dover has paid $600 of that fee, all we need from you is $150. We can NOT by LAW pay this fee, because the RECEIPT for the fee will have the name "Yakuba Foude" on it, and that is who receives the Contractual Agreement of $4,750.55

I hope you understand this now. As I said, this is a law that the Legal Bar Association of the United States forces us to abide by, without issuing you a receipt for the Consultation fee, I can NOT execute the Contract.

Is this entirely clear? If not, please let me know. I can not in good conscious ask you to perform legal proceedings without full understanding of them.

Lionel Hutz

(This Email is confidental, and solely intended to be read by the receipitant. Failure to abide by this confidintiality clause will result in many penalties)

More to come!

Discuss this sillyness in the Forums!