Two Years of Research Conclude:

We moved to our new office around about two years ago. It's a nice new office! They stuck me in a private office so they can control me, but yet can observe me through large panes of glass like some circus attraction; I can't pick my nose in privacy which really sucks. We have a big kitchen to enjoy a nice lunch in, huge sales office for those busy days, and huge attic to store many dead bodies in. But best of all, big fat honking toilets instead of those little prissy ones that you are afraid you'll fall off of. These bathroom though have been involved in a two year study done by yours truely, and I have alarming information that nobody will care to read -- but I'm going to write about it anyway.

As with any office, a person can spend an average of 8 hours at one and sooner or later have to stop driving home during lunch to use their own bathroom and finally become comfortable sharing one with other people. I remember the good old days I told my coworkers that I was going home for a "Nooner" when in truth I was just going home to use my bathroom. Well, now I live an average of 20 minutes away, and with gas prices now I can save up to 15% on car insurance by reading Geico ads in the company bathroom.
Anyway, back to my study... Two days per week there is a cleaning crew here. It seems, but some odd twisted fate, those are the exact two days I need the bathrooms right away, as in as soon as I get to work. In the old days I would try to use the ones at home, but with a 3 and 5 year old I get much better private time at work now, which is just not right when you believe a mans' home is his castle.
Look, I even got enough data to assemble this very advance chart to show you -- the reader, how there is a direct correlation with how much more time the cleaning crew needs to finish the office and just how damn bad I gotta go to the bathroom. Numbers don't lie, if I am going into the office at 8:00am and it's one of those two days, and I'm in desperate need, that means I am about to experience some of the longest retaining torture known to mankind. And on the other end, if I really don't need to go, I often catch them walking out the door and already finished!
I will now focus my study on why this direct correlation even exist. I have a theory : they hate me. I think they look out the window and say "Here comes that gringo Joe, and he's walking funny and fast, everyone SLOW DOWN!". However, to prove this I must install some recording equipement inside the office. I guess I could sneak in the back door, but we do have cameras on the parking lot and there's monitors in the front and they could be watching that - hell now that I think about it they are ALWAYS in the front office when I walk in - perhaps I should drive around from the side and surprise them.
Anyway, I will get to work and report back to you all in two years time.
In the mean time, Admit the cleaning crew at your office hate you to!

When I first Experienced the Pain of Being Lonely

The other day, on the radio folks were talking about how it sucks to be lonely. Someone said that duh - anyone knows how it feels. However, not many could remember the first time they felt true loneliness.
So I started to think back, far as I could, in the deep bowels of my dirty old brain - when did I first realize "Being Lonely Sucks."
I can honestly say I have traced it back to when I used to hang out at the Rollerskate Rink when I was a pre-teen. Now, you folks around my age are no doubt thinking back and wondering how the hell I can remember those days, and kids these days are asking "what the hell is a rink?" (Maybe, I don't know, do they still call them this?) Anyhow, the reason I can remember it is I have learned how to meditate and go deep into my brain box and go back in time for such things. That, and well, it's hard to forget those days you spent crying with other boys in the bathroom how lonely you were.
So back in time we go, to the 80s. Rollerskating wasn't as big anymore as it was in the 70's, but it was still big, at least for kids. Birthday Parties always seemed to find their way into Rollerskate Rinks. Lazy summer days, parents could drop kids off there for hours. Well, I used to love it, however I would always break out in a sweat once an hour on the hour, due to Couples Skate Time.
Couples Skate Time was a span of 10 minutes every hour or so, where all the loners had to leave the area while those with skate partners could go at it alone out there. Funny, how the "couples" got to be "alone". Well, at that tender age I would normally go to the concession stands for a pickle or slice of pizza and extra syrupy coca cola.
However, I do remember one day I had no money, I just sat there watching them skate...and how bad I wanted to be out there. I would turn and look at the line of the Concessioners and realize what sort of people I have been associated with. I tried to flee to the bathroom to spend time away, but it seems all the other lonely boys would go there to, actually, they went minutes before we were ordered off the Rink, and would stay there till the love songs were over.
So there I sat, sitting on the rail trying to keep my feet 'in', otherwise they would walk over and tell me to move. They never would do it over the speaker, oh no - that would ruin the moment for the couples. I did often try to scope out the girls at that time, to see who had the least amount of cooties and take out there, but it was never worth the risk of the pickle munching pizza scarfing geeks that weren't even my friends to ridicule me. That's right, ridcule. To often cover up our emptiness, we would make fun of the couples. Deep down though, we envied that one guy that had a different girl every hour, with the perfect hair, and filly shirt, and who could above all - skate backwards the rest of the 50 mintues and would do it ONLY BECAUSE HE COULD.
Yup, that's the first time I can remember feeling so empty and lonely. Oh I could go on and on about what else I learned at the Rollerskate rink (Like why you shouldn't eat the pickles) but I think I got enough out today.
If you like you can always hit up my forums.

Why Can't People Be More Like Dogs?

The more people I meet, the more I envy dogs. Many folks "insult" dogs, saying they are simple minded stupid creatures. They often do nothing but eat, sleep, and poop; well, that's all the necessities of life, so what's so wrong with that?
So why do I envy them? Because they only focus on the necessities of life.


While at the farm yesterday, Jasmine started playing hard with Max, and Max wasn't too happy about it. So when the boat came out, Jasmine hopped in while Max decided to stay on shore. Normal behavior of people, aint it? One pisses another off, and one doesn't want to be around the other anymore.
However not more than 5 minutes out on the water, Jasmine and Max started whining. They realized they missed each other, and were ready to get back together as seen in the picture above (Click on it if you can't see Max)
People are often much 'smarter'than dogs. They get in a little scuffle with someone else, and that's it - no more socializing with them. They can't help but dwell on what went wrong, and are inable to let it go and just make up and get on with life. We hold grudges for long periods of time, not thinking that life is too short to be pissed off at anyone for things that will not make a difference to anyone years from now when the sun goes supernova and fries our planet to a molten fleshy meshy crisp.
So while I sit here still ticked at quite a few people in my head, my dogs are enjoying life playing with one another, licking their own crotch, and rolling around in cow crap at the farm -- I guess that's the downside to being ignorant...however only us 'smart' ones see a problem with that.
To the forums, where I publicly admit I wish I could sniff my crotch

I knew this was going to happen

A month or two ago, I was really bored. So, I was looking for yet another Domain Name to register. Well, I love Porn. Hey, I love Legos. Let's combine the two! I registered http://www.lego-porn.com. Why? Because Http://www.legoporn.com was taken and it was a REAL Porn Site.
I felt good, I got a domain name that nobody else thought of! I already started to build lego porn for the site, much to the disgust of my wife.



Well, all that came to a close today.






Crazy Joe < Lego©
I honestly knew this was going to happen, however I thought it would be after the site was made PUBLIC. It's not even halfway finished yet, and LEGO© already is making me not only take the site down, but not own the domain name. I guess this explains why it was available. Second, legoporn.com the REAL porn site is already taken down.

The LEGO© names will be removed, and I cant fight so many damn lawyers that are listed in the left margin, however the pics will be used for something yet!

Bitch or Make fun of me on the forums!