We Are Under Attack!

It is no longer safe to leave the confines of our house. From at least two sides of our house, we are being invaded, or attacked, we are unsure. My wife or myself (mostly my wife for I am too afraid) must go out every day and arm ourselves with a garden hose or leaf blower, and drive back the hoards of hostile rolley polleys that are trying to destory us.
Yes, I said Rolley Polleys. Small round insects that curl up into a ball when afraid. However, they are far from afraid - they are brave. They are so filled with war-lust they see no logic into their attacks. They evidently roll up into little balls on top of the hill, which is the very back of our yard, and roll down in droves and crash into the side of our house.
Sure, they are small to you - however everyone knows there is strength in numbers! And I kid you not, every day there are hundreds, perhaps thousands of Rolley Polley corpses on our back patio and side Garage. Yes, that's right, we are being attacked from both sides! We don't know what we have done to upset the Rolley Polleys. We have yet to be contacted for any sort of peace negotiations. All we know is that there's only four of us in this house, and so far thousands, maybe hundreds of thousands, hell, millions dead, and no clue how many more are forming for another attack.
Actually now that I think about it, I think I know their reasons for war. When we moved into this house two years ago, my daughter took up an interest in bugs, despite her mother's protest. She would collect Rolley Polleys, as they were so 'cute' and rolled into balls. However, she took a great and perverted delight into stomping on them as well, giggling at the sound of the crunch!
That has to be it, my daughter no doubt has smashed some very important Rolley Polley, perhaps the Princess Rolley Polley or Prince. Maybe a Rolley Polley Celebrity. It matters not - it's a fact that she committed genocide, and now they want their revenge.
I have discussed throwing my daughter outside at night, perhaps if we give them what they really want - the Rolly Polly Butcher, they will take her and leave us alone. I don't know how much longer our house will withstand these attacks. I do know if we try to sell it years from now, there will be questions why there is mass graves of Rolley Polley skeletons around the yard, and the house is leaning to one or two sides. I am positive that structural damage caused by Rolley Polleys isn't covered in my Insurance either.
Honestly, it's a hard decision. A house is a very important investment. A daughter was easy and fun to make, and I am sure I could remember how I did it and just make another.
War never solved anything. Sigh. Discuss it up, in the forums!

I am trying to Eradicate my Curse

I go on about my curse every now and then, the one about all the weird bad luck things that happen to me. Well, I have taken a step to try and prevent this from happening. First off, let me say I hate Blockbuster. They are some greedy aggrivating sombitches and I refuse to rent videos from them when there is Hollywood Video that lets you rent ANYTHING for five freaking days. I mean honestly, when I rent a movie I need two hours to watch it, then 3-4 days to procrastinate returning it - this isn't a difficult concept to understand.
However, I hate Hollywood Video. Or do I, I actually think I hate my luck with Hollywood Video. Every two months I get a call from them, saying I have such and such movie checked out. Every single time they do this I have to call the Manager and tell them I returned it, it's a mistake. You know, they used to always argue with me and such, but ultimately they realized I have nothing better to do than bitch and moan and not authorize them to charge me for it on my card.
Things have gotten better though. You may think "oh they don't lose your movies now?", and I would have to say you are wrong. It happens just as much as before, but now when I call the manager won't put up a fight anymore, he will just note my account and such.
But just to be safe, I walked into Hollywood last night with my movies. I called the Manager over, who had four customers in line with only one employee. I told him I wanted to show him something very interesting, and I had his full attention, and some of the customers as well.
I laid out all four movies, then slowly but articulately opened all four so that he could see I had three DVD boxes with a DVD in them and one VHS box with a movie in it. I asked him what he thinks he is looking at. Of course, he is stumped, but he does figure it out. "I see you rented three DVDs and a cassette movie..."
I cut him off, "Yes, that's right, and notice how they are all in here"
"Yes"
Great, now we are on the same page. I explain to him who I am, and I think I saw a light of recognition in his eyes, as we had a little talk two weeks ago about a missing DVD "Thumbalina" which they waited over a MONTH to talk to me about. So I think he's figured me out, so I sum it up, and tell him when he calls me in about a month or so to claim I didn't return one of these movies, I'm sure he will remember me opening them up and showing them to him (and got the name of his co-worker there). He picks up the movies and scans them in right there in front of me, and said I should drop them off up front like everyone else and just make sure they get scanned.
And how am I supposed to do that I wonder. Do I drop them in the slot, then bend over and lift the little door and scream "HEY YOU! YOU IN THERE! SCAN MY MOVIES! SCAN MY MOVIES NOOOOOOOOW!" then press my face up against the glass and watch ? I'm sure they would appreciate that. I bet I could press my mouth upon the glass and do a bitching blowfish impression to.
[url=http://www.crazyjoe.us/forums/index.php?act=ST&f=1&t=458]Anyway folks place your bets - how much you say they call me in a month or so?[/url]

Sexy Geek Upgraded!

Well, it's taken me forever but I finally got I-rater to do some custom work, and some fixes, and the new version of Sexy-Geek.com is online! Folks are already Emailing me and ICQing me "WHY DID YOU UPGRADE IT!" Well, here's some reasons:
1.) In the old version, if you copy and paste the URL in the top Address Bar and send it to a friend, that URL had the username and password of the sender encoded in there. Pretty damn serious little security flaw if you ask me, I got a few folks that were nice enough to tell me about it instead of abuse it. The new version uses cookies, which will ensure that doesn't happen anymore.
2.) Private Message System in the old one SUCKS, I don't even have to explain to anyone that used it on why it sucked. The new one is much better.
3.) Administrative Flexibility. This is something none of the users saw, just myself. However, with 100 members the old system was fine, but with 454 members, I can't edit any members that are 'in the middle', as the menu for me to select users to edit could not fit them all in one screen. Sexy-Geek got too big for what the other version was built for.
4.) Easier Rate system. It's all on one screen now - the Picture, The Rate Bar, The Bio, The Comments. That's only thanks to the custom work I had I-rater fix for me, but it wasn't to begin with is which why I did NOT use this version first.
5.) In the old version, folks found out you could change your background, add sounds etc. All fun and games, but that also meant someone would be able to add some mean nasty code to their bio, and screw up other people's systems. That is now fixed before it got abused.

There's some other reasons, however I think I listed the most important reasons I had to upgrade. There is NO going back, as the custom work needed for the other version would very well cost too much.

Now, I know there's some things I want fixed in this new version. First off, I need a Header! Second, the "view comments" is sloppy. Third, I want some 'button's on the site menu rather than plain cheesy text. That's the things that I THINK I can fix myself - the rest I won't even mention since I know it's not happening.

Anyone that wants to help me pay for the expenses I went through can always register an email forwarding from Sexy Geek - yourname@sexy-geek.com. You know you want it.

The Garden

Growing up, my parents always had a garden. I never really cared for it as a kid, but now that I got my own backyard, I went all out. I can't say why exactly I have one of my own. Maybe because it's actually "Mine" and I can choose what I want. Or perhaps it relieves some stress, and gives me indirectly some reason to get my butt off the computer and go outside. What I think it really is though is my kids go nuts planting everything, then watching it ripen and eat it. Well, that's not a big problem with the Okra and Asparagus, only a minimal problem with the Tomatos, Cucumbers, and Watermelons, but it's a major problem with the Strawberries and Blackberries. Ah yes. The Blackberries. This is the only reason I think I wrote about it here today; my blackberry plants. One of my fondest memories from when I was in the Larval stage was going out to one of our co-workers farms, and his mother made the biggest dinner spreads I have ever seen. I was told it was a normal thing for her - to cook Thanksgiving like proportions every weekend. And after that, we got to sneak out and clean up the Blackberry bushes. Or was it Doo-berry? I dunno. Point is, now I got my own spread of blackberries, and there's something pretty sweet about saying you spent who knows how much time and money on dirt, fertilizer, mulch, netting, labor, and whatever to get some fresh off-the-vine berries. My wife thinks I'm nuts at times, as a small pint do cost $2.50 at the store, but last year our small bushes got two huge bowls full, and this year I see triple the amount from last year. However, I don't see a blackberry cobbler in my future. Me and the kids went out there this morning, and wiggled through the bird netting and picked about 8 handfulls off and ate them on the spot. Damn that was good eating. Now I want to cover the entire perimeter with a trellis for the blackberry bushes...which isn't a problem getting the plants, as I tilled the soil and now I got over a dozen new blackberry plants popping up all over the garden. I already have someone bugging me to dig them up and give to him. To the Forums!

Bitch Buddies

Webster defines a therapist as "one specializing in therapy; especially : a person trained in methods of treatment and rehabilitation other than the use of drugs or surgery", and therapy as "treatment especially of bodily, mental, or behavioral disorder"
What Webster fails to tell you is Therapy is what unhappy people need to get happy - and that Therapy cost money. So, when someone tells you "Money can't buy happiness", you know they are full of bull snot. Furthermor, thanks to the miracle of modern science, health experts have determined we all need some sort of therapy.
Well, since I know everyone doesn't go to a therapist, maybe that's why everyone's in such a foul mood. However, as you have guessed it (or not, depending if you're even trying to create cognative thought while reading this and determine where it's leading to) I have a solution - Bitch Buddies.
Everyone needs at least one. If you don't know what it is, just by the words "Bitch Buddy" then I can't help you - you better save up some money and go seek that professional help to find happiness. Anyway, a Bitch Buddy is a buddy you can bitch to - not a buddy you bitch about.
Here's how I see it : Buddies are normally free, unless you're a real an introvert, or real asshole. For a fraction of the cost, you and your buddy meet up somewhere and just bitch about everything bugging you. The other buddy doesn't even need to give advice - they just nod their head, say "I hear that, Word, The hell you say, damn the man, screw her!". Then, they swap, and the bitcher gets to listen in and say the same while the other one continues a bitching. See, easy enough - any person can be a bitch buddy.
Now, there are some things I learned over the years with past bitch buddies.
First, never make your lover a bitch buddy. Because, well duh - maybe you need to bitch about THEM. If you are dumb enough to make your lover your bitch buddy then bitch about them to them...well, you're in for more trouble than you realize.
Second, when bitching at a bar, don't order the expensive stuff. Your tab very well can go over the amount therapy would have cost. Not only would you have saved money at the therapist, but you could have deducted it from your taxes.
Third, do not bitch where someone you are bitching about can show up. Sometimes you can get so swept up into bitching that the world around you grows dark and becomes a void, where you don't realize you're talking anymore - the bitch lobe of your brain has opened up in full bloom and shows its bounty to the world, oblivious to who is around to hear it. Very bad, as your face will have 0 resistance shielding from fist of vengance or frying pans of fwapage.
Forth, be damn sure to be as good as a bitch buddy as a bitcher. Otherwise, someone will be bitching about you later, and that's not freaking right. So, if you got problems - and you know you do thanks to the the miracle of modern medicine, find yourself a bitch buddy right away and try it out. Get back to me and tell me how it worked out for you.

To the Farm!

Moo You! I would have to say I had a very good weekend, and it's only half over. I took my daughter and the dogs out to the farm today to check up on our cows (and to escape the lair of the wife with a to-do list!). Finally my daughter came up with a name for one of the cows I could not only pronounce (never entrust a 5 year old to name anything) but also accept - Madingo. I quickly spit out Bernie for the other one, and she accepted it. Actually the name she wanted was Madinga, however with a quick look, I had to inform her they were both bulls.
I have posted quite a few pictures of our little trip as well. See all about it here!

Gas Station Stolen!

Gas Station StolenSan Antonio, Tx
In an alarming turn of events for the crime stricken area on the cities north-east side, police were called to investigate what is believed to be the first case of Grand Theft Gas Station.

The pumps and signs remain, but the Gas Station is gone

At approximately 6:47am this past Thursday morning, motorist Jonathan Glaxburn pulled into the familiar station to get gasoline and a coffee, as he normally has done for the past four years at the same station. He went into what he believed was the store to hand over his credit card, but he soon realized his difficulty in finding the counter clerk was due to the fact that the counter was missing. "Normally I walk in, and the counter is on the left; I hand them my card and go gas up, but today I kept looking around, and where I normally see a wall of smokes and the clerk was now a clear view of an apartment complex" says Glaxburn.

Police dispatch were reluctant to send officers to the scene - it was believed to be a hoax when they received the call from Glaxburn that the Conoco gas station was missing. After receiving three more calls from confused patrons, a unit was finally sent over. They found several motorist walking around bewildered and confused where once a familiar large red building stood.

"You know, we get all sorts of prank calls, but when I drove up to the empty lot where a Conoco station was located on Thousands Oaks and Weidner, I wasn't laughing anymore" stated Officer Doyle. "I searched around the area for it, as most of the juvenile thieves in the area steal for the fun of it, and dump whatever they got off a block away. However, there was no sight of the Gas Station." Other officers were called in to aide in the investigation, all astounded to the situation upon arrival.

"As I drove up from the side, I noticed I could see Taco Bell, which was all wrong! I normally would see the large Ice Box and gang graffiti" Stated Officer Rudy Norton. So far the investigation goes slowly, the police will be issuing a sketch of the missing Gas Station by the end of the week. They assure that this is clearly a theft, as gas stations have never before been misplaced.

Where was once a view of offensive gang graffiti, now Taco Bell can be seen.

Oh wow, an update.

I finally have gotten around to fiddling around with the main website once again. I'm one of those types of people that try to do too many things at once, and in the end I do a half assed job on everything. Twenty four hours in a day just isn't enough. Actually, it probably is enough - it's the job that is slowing me down. I spend nine or so hours a day there, roughly five to six hours of sleeping, which leaves me with nine or so hours, which is often spent with the family for roughly three hours, which takes me down to six or so. I am the type that can spend an hour in the bathroom if I got something to read, so down to five. Then, there's walking around looking for my car keys, wallet, and hiding all the stuff that would tick my wife off, so then I'm down to four hours.
So, that's four hours or so a day of Joe-time, assuming I do sleep, go to work, find my keys, and spend time with the family. And I keep asking myself why I find myself staying up till three in the morning for days at a time. Hmph.
I had a point when I started all this, but who cares by now, right?