The Premier Issue of Cowsmopolitan!

I wanted to do more, but hey, it's the FIRST issue. So, the dice roll. I finished up a few more columns, removed the Hints from Heifer that I just couldn't get to work right, and we had enough Ask Petunia (REAL questions I got in email by the way) to the point I was comfortable saying this was the first issue.

I'm still undecided if I want a whole new host for it, or just let it piggy back off Crazyjoe.us. Either way - the next project is going to be the forums - I have investigated Invision and think it will be more stable - installing it next week.

For now, I gotta find out why my work computer seems like it has a virus but nothing is showing up, and my home computer had the board and chip fried - waiting to hear the estimate to get that fixed. Good news is I sold $120 of UO Gold on Ebay to start paying for this.

Well Screw It.

Tim Allen said once, "If it's not broke, there's still a way to fix it."

Well, that describes me around the house and with this damn page. Here I am fiddling with layout of this thing, when it already 'works'. MAME and Carnivorous links are not working just right, plus I need to finish Cowsmo.
So, don't expect this page to change format again till I finish my content layout.

One step forward, two steps back

Well, thanks to Sannio's advice and Bean's belated advice, I am getting some hold on this. I was able to use the pure code to add in my menu, figure how to move some things around, however....

However, I can't figure out how this page is split with the stuff on the left side and main entry on the right. I tried importing the HTML from my original crazyjoe.us Index.htm, where I had it fixed for a 800 pixel width inside a table - no luck. On top of that, a very important tag for the MT credit was removed somehow, so the code that is 'saved' but not published won't go through.

* shrugs *

Other than the fact I don't know code very well (learning some fast), my mother in law's weenie dogs that I'm taking care of this week are crapping all over my house, Jasmine decided if they can crap she can whiz, my home computer has a Trojan virus (which is moot since the powersupply went out and fried the motherboard), things are going very well this week.

The Demons Within, and the constant fight for Exorcism

I wrote another deep thought article, scary - I know. However again, to preserve the Crazy Joe persona I enjoy, I won't subject you to it - you'll have to just click the link below!

How could that mother strike her kid repeatedly?
The Husband snap and hit his wife
Someone take the family pet out and 'lose' it, claim the gate was left open.

Sure, we know some people are just asses, but then you hear how they swear they feel regret, remorse, and they can't explain how, why, they did it and they can't find the gut to even apologize.

Everyone one of us deals with demons, some of us less than others. Some of us can actually handle some of them, while others just let the demon take over. Worse yet, is when you grow up within a family and you can't even differiant the demons from 'normal'.

People that grow up in that type of enviroment have two paths when they 'grow up'. Accept that behavior as normal, or realize it's not and swear on their grave they won't ever be like that. That's if they are lucky. Sometimes they never realize something was wrong with it, and live life blind. You know what I'm talking about. Drugs are not a problem. There's no such thing as being an alchoholic. Might makes right....the examples go on.

Which brings me to the point, how many of us are the ones that woke up and realized that something was wrong, and are in a never ending constant battle to be unlike your parents. And worse, when you realize the one thing going totally against you is that it's in your blood to be like them.

You unconcsiouly accept boozing it up is OK, and constantly fight "Its ok to drink" but you keep yourself away from it to the point that its never more than a dozen drinks a year - hell, even nondrinkers would sip the wine at church! People even think you are being foolish, as nobody that is an alchoholic that drinks so little, and yet you claim you don't want the drink to even avoid becoming one.

Or maybe you are so against drugs but you drink, that you even won't tolerate giving time to those that just smoked a joint or two - when some experts claim heavy booze drinking is worse than pot. Why, only because a loved one abused drugs, and you don't want to deal with anyone related to that.

Your family history line is known for being short lived. Obese men that died young. And here you are, a statisic in America and overweight. You obsese about keeping yourself thin, and nobody understands you when you say its NOTHING to do with how people see you, its how you see yourself.

You don't want to have kids, because your came from a really screwed up family and don't think you would want to subject your kids to it. I know quite a few in this category, which an outsider could simply say that you know whats bad, DONT DO IT. but then, you are fighting the only things you learned growing up, and the fact that maybe that crap is in your DNA. These people don't even want to RISK the scenario of beating their own kids, or worse - molesting them. That experience to them was so damn bad, they never want to even risk it.

That's the worse, when folks start to think you're just nuts because you go overboard to try and reject what you could become. And all of these, of course if you told them the REASONS you are obsessive like this, they would no longer think you are nuts, but just really realy afraid of what kind of demons would pop out of you. However, almost all the cases here are those that are ones you would hate to talk about.

So few folks would feel comfortable to admit that Ol Mom and Dad were drug addicted alchoholics that beat your brother or molested you. AND WITH GOOD REASON! That's some heavy stuff to tell anyone. It's simple just to tell folks you're nuts, or just stubborn, maybe even ignore it. Well maybe so many of the people you know you would never label them with harsh feelings ever again, if you simply knew why they act they way they do - they are harboring demons.

Love, Lust, Appreciation, and Delusion

It's highly rare that I write anything really serious. However, it happens. Just to protect the integrity of the "Crazy Joe" image I have cultivated over time, you'll have to click it on the bottom to read it.

Bear with me, as I am a person of few wisdoms, and like to be 'crazy' to ignore dealing with real issues.

In life, one person...normal person..seeks out someone to be with. Normally, its one other person, and eventually get married. Now you can argue and throw out all sorts of things to go different than this, but for the sake of discussion and explanation of my thoughts, lets go with that a Person seeks out another to get married and life their life with.

Got it? Good.

So, what do you look for in a person. You can ask anyone this, and there's a short list. Truth is, lets say that everyone has a subconcoius list of things they are looking for in another person. You are only aware of say a few hundred at best.

Things you like in a spouse can be as trival as taste in foods, hair color, feel of skin, how they walk, their voice...as seroius as religion, ambitions in life, and their looks. Either way, I assume for the sake of this article, that there are 1,000 things that a person looks for in another person - subconsiously and with awareness.

Now, with each criteria of the 1000, you have a certain level of acceptance. You love that about them, you tolerate that about them, you dislike it - or you are totally 100% indifferent, for which you could easily be totally unaware of it being a criteria.

You can't find someone with all 1,000. It's not possibe. Now, I have two 'flags' to describe how a person fills in the criteria. Haves, and Have Nots. Haves means they 'have' a favorable or neutral criteria checked on your list. Have nots, of course, do not meet your criteria. You seek a person that has more Haves than Have nots of course, and with a good blend of these two that you are comfortable with spending enough time with them, to join in marriage.

so, you get married. You think it's Love, could be Lust, who knows. Any way it goes, this is your life.

Now, as we know, marriage isn't forever. Sooner or later, people fall out of love. Fall out of Lust. Bottom line is, they are no longer feeling comfortable with the amount of Haves and the Have Nots.

Did the Have or Have nots changed? No. Not most likely. Maybe a few, but in my theory, the person realizes they need more "haves" in the equation, than the have nots.

Or maybe the point is what I'm really trying to get at.

Someone say met a person, and they have theoretically 85% of Haves checked off. It matters not for this discussion what the other person has, because I'm gonig to focus on a spouse, that loses interest in his significant other, and wants to cheat on them.

See, lets keep the sexes out of this, but I know I'll slip and throw out a he or she because its assume men cheat more than women. So Person A has 85% Have ratio with their spouse. However, there is one checkbox in the Have Not that he wishes was a Have. Lets say, "they like to party". Now, when they got married they accepted this have not at face value, as a small percentage. However over time, they relized their spouse doens't want to go out, just sit at home.
It bugs them.
It swells up.
That small percantage is Stretch out, stretched like putty, so that it starts to cover the visualailty of the Haves. The "have Not" doen't get bigger, but it blinds out the Haves, keep that in mind.
So here's the spouse, he starts to make a big fuss about something that never bothered him before...or maybe, he keeps it to himself. All the while, it gets bigger, and even though he still have 85% Haves, he startes to NOT SEE them.

maybe another have not comes up. "I wish they were blonde". So now, we have two Have Nots, bugging the person, and even though he still approves of those Haves at 85%, the have nots have stretched over them, blinded him, and he or she starts to lose ground of what they found they loved.

So, sooner down the road, they go looking. Searching. For what? to Quench the thirst of those stretched out Have Nots to be satisfied.

It's like craving a food on a diet, a food you can't have. You just want a TASTE of it, a taste to shave down the have not. Have Nots are a craving, even when its another person.

So the spouse struggling with being 'blinded' finds someone who has some have nots. Sadly, they may have more "have nots" than "Haves", or maybe their spouse still has more "haves" than they do. Point is moot, all they are looking for is something to cover the stretched out Have Nots.

So there it comes eventually.

They meet someone with that which they want, to satisfy that need for the Have Nots.

This is the moment of truth - do they step back and realize "is this have not really THIS big, or did I make it such a big deal"? and step back, and suddenly shrink it down and go back to home, where they had a good deal. Do they take a taste of it, just enough to shrink down the have nots, enough to control the rapid growth that was killing them.

or the worst scenario, do they ignore the fact they have more Haves at home, which they worked so hard and so long to get, and throw it all in the air to juggle, just to fully quench and take on another person that who's sole purpose is to fill the Have Nots, regardless of any overlapping or non overlapping haves that the spouse and new person have.

It's perfectly OK to accept that everyone here cant have 100%. Nobody met someone with 100%. What I'm getting at is, how far do you stetch your have nots, and could you control them when it comes down to it?