4/11/01 - Crazy Joe's Last Episode ?

Well folks, by the time you read this I'll be a father again. April 12th I head off to the hospital, my wife is to be induced to bring my son into the world. I just realized that if she doesn't pop him out on Thursday, then he's being born on Friday - Friday the 13th. That's too disturbing. To top it off, I got serious allergy problems and I sound like the Godfather when I talk and the drugs I'm taking should be screwing me up so bad I am not allowed on the road. So...what do I do when I'm stuck at home the day before this? Well play Ultima Online of course! After all, after tomorrow I'll be too busy to really play Ultima much, so pretty much this is my last episode for the next two-three months unless special circumstances arise. So without further ado, enjoy my last episode. I may or may not return in a few months, it all depends on how life turns out. 

As I stated, I'm taking some serious allergy drugs. I have missed out on many essential screenshots, so I'll have to adlib most of what I missed. Anyway, I'm going around on Napa and it's a slow day. I decide to check out the moongates, and I find someone carrying a Battle Axe of power. She is in factions, and basically chopping down every faction enemy that appears at the Jhelom moongate. She's pretty proud of herself - and thinks she is untouchable. Well, I am thinking it's time to see how good she really is, and I attack her at the moongate, in the guard zone, and disarm-steal her axe and run off into Jhelom. She never calls the guards, and finally loses me!

Steph has an excellent connection and actually kept up with me for quite some time. FINALLY 
I lose her and wait long enough to run to the bank and secure the axe. I then return to the gate, and she's gone
I hit Britian and need to hit the bank to get some bandages, and see another faction fella with an axe 
killing folks. I loot bandages off one of his kills, and he decides to attack me since I'm gray!

I return to the moongate and Steph is back, and since I'm gray she
hits her GUARD Macro repeatedly. Once she realizes who I am, 
she attacks again!

I used to think Factions were lame, but honestly
I've gotten some of my best weapons from Factions!

She returns and claims the thefts were not worth anything, 
I'm a bit confused to think two power weapons were worthless. 
She then claims she is 'a macmahon', which I don't understand, 
but I do like the fact she has hundreds more! Any other thief 
on Napa Valley should write this person's name down!

Someone with a axe and Lumberjacking
is someone you don't want to fail a few disarms with. I took 
two hits and went down. She thought it was hilarous, and looted me
clean of 5 Cure Potions, 2 Refresh, 2 Strength, and a few bandages. 
Oh, and 5 pouches. I think I came out a tad ahead. 

I take off to Khaldun, and deep inside I find a tamer stuck in a dead with 
a ghost hanging around him. The tamer asked me if I had any spare root and
he would pay a ton of gold for some. Well...seems I am one step ahead 
with taking care of this tamer! 

I assure him he shouldn't move and to hold on...

I find the Ancient Lich less than two screens away! This has been
the smoothest Tamer Extermination I have ever done!

I do have a little trouble with a mage named, "Skipper Jr"
who knows I'm a thief and attacks me on sight at all times. 
I finally lure him away and return to see the Wyrm fall.

I see that Khaldun is empty and take off to Shame.
There is a warrior right at the entrance, and I snoop and
see nothing much - except for a Valorite Shield. I try to move it and
see a Viking Sword underneath, I pull the shield a few times
and it lets me target the Sword - I swip it as he recalls away.
He returns with a new character carrying a Halberd, but stops
attacking when offer to sell it back for 10k! Huzzah!

I return to the moongates, and another Faction Warrior
is waltzing around thinking he's the cat's meow, and asked
someone to Duel him. He starts to macro, "Flag on me Flag on Me".
Well, I have a new disguise, and decide to size him up -
he has a massive cutlass of power! I walk up and tell him
I shall accept his challenge on the other man's behalf.

I miss the shot - but I do attack him, and disarm, but he steps back right
when I hit my steal macro - and I miss out on the theft.
He's a tad confused and doesn't even re-arm the cutlass, so I bang my
steal macro until the delay finally is over and I can try again.

He takes off in a rush after he realizes he accepted a challenge from
a thief and not just another warrior. I said it once, and I'll say it again -
I love Factions!

I visit the Yew Liches just in time to see
Tanqueray chasing around DESIRE. He told DESIRE to
leave the Liches alone, and DESIRE responded with a few spells.
I tried to tag along without getting in the way, and the mage did pretty
well actually against a dexer like Tanq - however he wore Chain Mail Armor
and apparently couldn't regain his mana fast enough!

Since Yew is Secure, I take off to Ice Dungeon.

The 2nd weapon is a war hammer of Force.

I return to the moongates again, and see someone carrying
a nice Axe of Force. Again, he thinks he's a top-notch Faction
Gate Ganker - I steal his axe just as he steps outside the guard
zone, and he puts up a chase with a Hally! He is actually very good,
and I go through all 3 of my Red Potions till I finally hide where
he can't find me. I almost bit it 3-4 times, however GM hide
and healing keep me alive. Sadly, he doesn't appreciate the

Did I ever say I love Factoins?

Wel, it's back to Khaldun. And my my, another Tamer!

I steal all his mandrake root on the first pass!
No Paralyze, No Healing, and No Gate Portal!
He walks by and I target more regs...

Notice he is "Lord" Billy McGee. They finally had enough of my thieving ways
and try to take me down!

Without many of his reagents, Billy McGee is getting worried. He gets even
more worried when I lure a few Zealots and the Ancient Lich up the hallway!
 Hurrah! The Tamer went down pretty quickly! and what's this?
He is no longer a "Lord"!

midnight is the Mare, Feril is the Wyrm, and baratoz is my good pal the Ancient Lich.
All is not well for Billy McGee!

I am overloaded with loot, and use my last Strength Potion to bank.
I return and a new Tamer already entered Khaldun. I lure a
few of my leftover friends from the last bloody hallway over, however
the previous tamer returns and flamestrikes me to death. He is a tad
miffed to see I already banked everything of value!

Lady Blood sea is the new Tamer, yo ma ma is a murderer that I see frequent
the area. The Mage that killed me took off as fast as they appeared. I stick
around to see if I do kill the dragon after all -

And I do!

I must say - I'm glad my last skirmish in Ultima Online was such
a fun one - It's the past few nights like that will ultimately drag me back.