Episode 2:  "CrazyJoe in 3D - Third Dawn Beta Take 1" by Crazy Joe


I got my Third dawn Beta test CD in the mail today. I plug it in, and like any experienced game junkie like myself knows, you always install judgmental software in a different directory, and if possible, a different hard drive than your primary drive. If you can, use someone else's computer.  It took about 10 minutes to install from the CD, then about 20 minutes downloading 18 megs from the Patch Server over a Cable Modem. YIKES! I fell sorry for those analog modem users out there. 

So anyway, I load up and instead of touring the 'new lands' on the test shard I load up my thief to take him on a quick tour of the lands in the new fancy shmancy graphical wonder land. 

I hung here for about 30 seconds. I was scared to death. I thought
my tower fell and here I was stuck in a new view and couldn't run to the bank
in time to get a new tower deed. I was literally screaming on the inside. 
Then I noticed I was naked - and realized the game was still loading. 

I look like something from Atari 2600. 
Ok, not that bad - maybe ColecoVision. 

"Kal Ort Por"
Off to Moonglow

I know this is Beta. I will accept that some things
just aren't finished yet. Hopefully OSI plans to reach Zeta
before releasing this. I am totally turned off by this. 

Folks in factions stop fighting to actaully talk to me hearing I am 
Playing Third Dawn. Once guy wanted me to send him the Beta Files,
one wanted to know where to sign up for it, (and he spamed 'where do I download?'. 
I did them all a favor and didn't give them any files or URL's. Then the fighting continued.

The walking animation needs work.
We really do walk bo-legged, it's like
someone shoved a horses foot up my arse. Honest.

I like this guy's guild title. 

Just in case there wasn't enough Lag, your paperdoll
will gladly animate your actions just in case
you can't comprehend it - then slows your computer down so
you can really soak it all in and all it's glory. I actually
noticed better system performance with the paperdoll closed.


I have no fighting skills, no armor, no magery, I can't seem
to outrun this horrid beast, plus it's shrill scream sends shivers
down my spine. Oh what foul manner of beast is this!!?


I run to the moongate...Feluca actually looks better somehow.

Another huge scary mongbat picks a fight with me.
what I failed to notice in our first encounter is that the
wrestle animation is about 20 times faster than the
running animation. It replays so darn fast I swear I was
in a sissy slap fight with the creature, and nowhere near
wrestling it. The best way to explain it, is imagine a normal
UO client wrestle animation with 600 dex.

Welcome to Trammel.

I know what a Willow tree looks like, I sell
them for crying out loud. That makes a better Mesquite
tree, which actually do grow around Austin TX. (OSI HQ)

This is a NPC Guard.
He wears Diapers.
It's called a 'fetish'.
if you don't get it, thou art  too young.

Her paperdoll looks more attractive than most I have seen.

Lag is getting worse the closer the bank I get.
Big surprise.

It's getting even worse.

Dirk finds me walking around aimlessly and asked about the
Brass Contest (I won Dirk). However I quickly lose him.
Look at that bulge in his loin cloth -- I think I excited him.

NO! I crashed with an excited Dirk nearby!!
I try to log on frantically to recall out, but alas I  can not. 

I feel violated by OSI and possibly Dirk now, I must go shower. 


I'm NOT knocking Third dawn, no matter how much this post seems negative -
this is Beta after all. They are concentrating more on game play than graphics --I hope.
It was interesting, and IF (capital I and F) this is pulled off it would be extending the
life of Ultima Online. But judging by past OSI performance for pulling things off smoothly....
well....let's not go there