Crazy Joe's Asylum

Crazy Joe's Nonsense

GWhat's Up :

Ever get those daggum emails about some guy in some third world country has 26 million dollars and has entrusted you, a complete stranger to help get that money to the US, and wants to give you 25% of it? Well, of course it's a damn scam. Of course, some folks have fallen for it. Of course, I am going to have fun with him!

GREETINGS AND COMPLEMENT OF THE SEASON.
>
> My name is Dr. David Idahosa. I am the eastern manager of Royalenet Bank
Plc (R.N.B),Abuja branch Nigeria.
> This letter might surprise you because we have not met neither in person
nor by correspondence,but please you
> should exercise some patience and read through my message. I have a very
urgent and confidential business
> proposal for you.
>
> I want to transfer out $USD 26 million ( TWENTY SIX MILLION U.S DOLLARS)
from our bank. I have the courage
> to look for a reliable and honest person who will be capable for this
important business,believing that you will never let me down either now or
in future.
>
> HOW THE MONEY CAME about :
> There is an account opened in this bank in 1980 and since 1990 nobody has
operated on this account again,after going through some old files in the
records I discovered that if I do not remitte this money out urgently it
will be forfeited for nothing.The owner of this account is Mr. Clayton
Reidfield, he is a foreigner and the manager of of
> petrol chemical service,a chemical Engineer by proffession and he died
since 1990, and since then no other person knows about this account or
anything concerning it.secondly he did not clearify his next of kin in his
deposition form when he deposited this fund in our bank.The account has no
other beneficiary and my investigation proved to me as well that his company
does not know anything about this account and the amount involved is (U.S.$
26,000,000.00)
>
> I want to tranfer this money into a safe foreign account abroad but i
don't know any foreigner,I am contacting you as a foreigner because this
money can not be approved to any local bank here but can only be approved to
a foreign account because the money is in u.s dollars and the former owner
of the account (MR.CLAYTON REIDFIELD) is a foreigner too. I know that this
message will come to you as a surprise as we don't know ourself before,but
be sure that it is real and a genuine business.I believe in god that you
will never let me down in this business,you are the only person that i have
contacted for this business for now,so please reply urgently so that we can
receive this money into a foreign account or any account of your choice
where the fund will be remmited.
>
> I am contacting you because of the need to involve a foreigner with a
foreign account as the real beneficiary,I need your co-operation to make
this work fine,because the management of our bank is ready to approve this
payment to any foreigner who has the correct information to this account
which i will give to you when sure of your capability to handle such amount
with instrict confidence and trust,and according to my instructions and my
advice for our mutual benefit because I don't want to make any mistake. I
need your strong assurance and trust, I shall also destroy all documents
concerning this transactions immidiately we received this money leaving no
trace to any place. I will use my position and influence on other staffs to
effect legal approvals and onward transfer of this money to your account
with appropriate clearance from foreign payment department,with assurance
that this money will be intact pending my physical arrival in your country
for the shari!
> ng and other investment.
>
> Finally,at the conclusion of this business,you will be given 25% of the
total ammount,70% will be for me ,while 5% will be for expenses both parties
might have incured during the process of this transaction. I look forward to
your earliest reply through my private e-mail address {
dr-dihosa@mail.com }
>
> Yours truly,
> DR. DAVID.
>

------------------------------

Well, here's my reply.

Greetings and Salutations Sir Idahosa.

I have read and understood your transmission. I'm sort of confused why you
have contacted The A Team and yet expect confidentiality between me and you,
when you should understand that The A Team is a group, not an individual.
Rest assured, The A Team works secretly, and we avoid the goverment at all
cost as we have had prior unpleasent experiences with them. We, for several
seasons, have drove around The United States of America fighting for the
people that find themselves oppressed by those with power, wether it be
private citizen or even the government we despise ourselves. But anyway,
back to the issue at hand.

Your request is one that is normal of our Organization, however one that I
could easily do with myself, Col. John "Hannibal" Smith, and the more
intellectual college, Lt. Templeton "Face" Peck. I see no reason for Bosco
"B.A." Baracus or Captain H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock (whom I think we keep
around solely for comic relief) to assist, as they are mainly for when we
have to utilize explosives or firepower. It seems what you need is a
compitant group with professional debinare and educational background with a
financial institution and empowerment within the embiggining
institution...Dr David Idosha - we are the people you need.

There is however, the issue of the fee for our servies. With our expertise
in the work that we do, and the fact there are four of us, we normally
charge the amount of 35% for your type of service needed. You need to
understand that even though only half our team will be expected to
participate - unless it comes down to the necesity of explosives or
firepower - we are still a team. And, with the current fuel crisis in
America, we are in need of approximately $35,000 USD Cash to replace
reliable yet uneffiecent Van. If you are willing to give say, 30 % in leu of
35%, based on the volume of the cash required to move, then we may be able
to do business.

Awaiting your reply.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith
The A. Team

----------------------------

I got a reply !

Dear Col. John "Hannibal" Smith,

Thanks for your email reply,I can understand that The
A Team is a group and not an individual.

Please this business is highly confidential,so if you
don't trust your team me and you can do this business
together,but if you trust them we can do it with them.

I have agreed to give you 30% of the money but i want
you to assure me in your next mail that you will not
deny me my own share if this fund should get into your
account.This money is my life because i have worked
for so many years in this bank but if i should tell
you my earnings,it is not something to write home
about,that is why i said that this opporturnity is god
sent.

You should forward to me as soon as you get this mail.
1.your full name
2.your contact address
3.your phone\fax numbers for easy communication and
documentation.

After the above mentioned datas,i will tell you how to
contact my bank for the transfer.You should also call
me with my mobile telephone number:234-80-33100149 for
a brief discussion.

I awaits your urgent reply.

Dr.david Idahosa.

----------------------------------------------------

My reply :

David Idosha

In 1972, our crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime we didn't commit. Us men promptly escaped a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, we survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find us, maybe you can hire the A-Team.

The A Team has been around for 5 consecutive Seasons, so trust me when I say you can trust us above all else to get he job done. As I stated before, the A Team consists of four principal Ex-Vietnam veterans who escaped from military imprisonment for crimes of fraud and murder which we didn't commit. We men have been framed by the military and used as scape goats for these crimes. We are considered by the military to be highly dangerous men and are on the most wanted lists of the police, FBI and military intelligence agencies. The modern A Team work throughout the United States as soldiers of fortune. We opitimise justice, fairnerss and common justice by making our military skills available to people who are using oppressive tactics in an unjust manner.We can be found in the underground of Los Angeles, and we are a force to be reckoned with. Myself, Hannibal, and Face, are the A-Team's masters of disguise, and do all initial public contacts before anyone meets the rest of our team. We are very recognisable in our black LDG van with the distinct stripe running down each side.

Now that you understand what we do, and what we stand for, I hope you have the fullest confident and assurance that we can get the job done.

Now, I'm pleased to know you have accepted our terms of 30%. I know it may sound like a lot to you, however as you now are fully aware, you get what you pay for, and you're getting the best. You have my fullest assurance that you shall not be denied all that you have coming to you. If you would like, I can find the scripts from all our past episodes with others to know how we built up our trust with them, and what's easily expected from others in the future.

My name, as I have already discussed, is Col. John "Hannibal" Smith. As I have mentioned, we are in the middle of hiding from the Government. We do not depend on the mail system - if it's required I can arrange a post office box in a small town in a city that Murdock can get his mother to relay between us. If this is what you desire, please let me know. We have our fax machine located in a backdoor backwater operation in the Grand state of Texas, which are scanned into a computer and quickly emailed into my PDA over a wireless satellitte over 15 different listening stations that prevents any sort of trace and guarantees privacy. That number is 210-xxx-xxxx.

Face has ran your number through our computers, there are 3 United States listening pylons that we could not risk crossing, otherwise our cover may be comprimised by them. I suggest you contacting us directly. Since a personal meeting seems to be not in order, I can arrange a cell phone number. Give me 24 hours to infiltrate the local AT&T store in our area and getting a demo-phone that is omitted from the FCC Liti-uni-transmittal correspondance, if you so desire.

I'm glad to see you have all of this planned out. I love it when a plan comes together. I hope you don't mind me smoking a cigar.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith

Dear Col. John "Hannibal" Smith,
Thanks for your last mail,Please you should send to me
as soon as you get this mail your personal phone
number so that we will discuss on phone or you call me
with my mobile phone number.

Please you should be fast as we don't have time for
this business.

Thanks.

DR.DAVID IDAHOSA.

I have Killer allergies this week and almost lost my voice, so I can't even talk to this guy.

So, here is my reply :

Dr David Idahosa

I'm sorry for the delay in my response. We got side tracked in a small town in Chicago this week, where some goons were trying to force BA's mother out of her apartment -- if you were involved, you could think that Ele Mai Baracas had a "Lease with an Option to Die".

BA by the way, if you didn't know, stands for "Bad Attitude". His real name is Bosco Barracus, and once you get to know him, he's a great Mister right down to the T. He's our expert mechanic and the A-Teams muscle man and the driver of our Van. The only problem with him, is he is deathly afraid to fly, so we had to drive all the way to Chicago from Eureka, Texas. Whenever we fly out of the States, I normally have to pay off Face and Murdock to drug him in his sleep. Sure, he gets to where we are going ok, but he will punch everyone of us at least once as soon as he comes around.

Today we start back on the drive to Texas again, after B.A. gets done helping his Mother rebuild the door he kicked down and fixing the holes in the wall where he "slammed the damn turkeys head that messed with his momma." as he so eloquently puts it.

Murdock, ace Pilot but slighly mentaly imbalanced, he has some reservations of this contract deal, even if he won't be involved on it. He's afraid that you may be confused if it's 26 Million USD or 26 Million NSN, because studying the current Interest Rates, it seems 26 Million NSN is $3,186,040,000 USD. I am not familiar with your knowledge of America, but with just over $3 Billion dollars, the A team could easily buy a new Van, and perhaps buy a nice house in Montana for retirement. So please clear up Murdocks confusion if this is USD or NSN.

Again, sorry for the delay in the response, but I'm sure you can understand Family always comes first.

I await your reply when I reach Texas again, hopefully by the end of the night.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith

------------------

FYI, the story of BA's mother is right out of a Season 4 Episode, and then I rewrote the BA Bio I found. Then to buy some more time, I had to bring up the currency exchange rate.

Stay Tuned for his reply!