It's highly rare that I write anything really serious. However, it happens. Just to protect the integrity of the "Crazy Joe" image I have cultivated over time, you'll have to click it on the bottom to read it.
Bear with me, as I am a person of few wisdoms, and like to be 'crazy' to ignore dealing with real issues.
In life, one person...normal person..seeks out someone to be with. Normally, its one other person, and eventually get married. Now you can argue and throw out all sorts of things to go different than this, but for the sake of discussion and explanation of my thoughts, lets go with that a Person seeks out another to get married and life their life with.
Got it? Good.
So, what do you look for in a person. You can ask anyone this, and there's a short list. Truth is, lets say that everyone has a subconcoius list of things they are looking for in another person. You are only aware of say a few hundred at best.
Things you like in a spouse can be as trival as taste in foods, hair color, feel of skin, how they walk, their voice...as seroius as religion, ambitions in life, and their looks. Either way, I assume for the sake of this article, that there are 1,000 things that a person looks for in another person - subconsiously and with awareness.
Now, with each criteria of the 1000, you have a certain level of acceptance. You love that about them, you tolerate that about them, you dislike it - or you are totally 100% indifferent, for which you could easily be totally unaware of it being a criteria.
You can't find someone with all 1,000. It's not possibe. Now, I have two 'flags' to describe how a person fills in the criteria. Haves, and Have Nots. Haves means they 'have' a favorable or neutral criteria checked on your list. Have nots, of course, do not meet your criteria. You seek a person that has more Haves than Have nots of course, and with a good blend of these two that you are comfortable with spending enough time with them, to join in marriage.
so, you get married. You think it's Love, could be Lust, who knows. Any way it goes, this is your life.
Now, as we know, marriage isn't forever. Sooner or later, people fall out of love. Fall out of Lust. Bottom line is, they are no longer feeling comfortable with the amount of Haves and the Have Nots.
Did the Have or Have nots changed? No. Not most likely. Maybe a few, but in my theory, the person realizes they need more "haves" in the equation, than the have nots.
Or maybe the point is what I'm really trying to get at.
Someone say met a person, and they have theoretically 85% of Haves checked off. It matters not for this discussion what the other person has, because I'm gonig to focus on a spouse, that loses interest in his significant other, and wants to cheat on them.
See, lets keep the sexes out of this, but I know I'll slip and throw out a he or she because its assume men cheat more than women. So Person A has 85% Have ratio with their spouse. However, there is one checkbox in the Have Not that he wishes was a Have. Lets say, "they like to party". Now, when they got married they accepted this have not at face value, as a small percentage. However over time, they relized their spouse doens't want to go out, just sit at home.
It bugs them.
It swells up.
That small percantage is Stretch out, stretched like putty, so that it starts to cover the visualailty of the Haves. The "have Not" doen't get bigger, but it blinds out the Haves, keep that in mind.
So here's the spouse, he starts to make a big fuss about something that never bothered him before...or maybe, he keeps it to himself. All the while, it gets bigger, and even though he still have 85% Haves, he startes to NOT SEE them.
maybe another have not comes up. "I wish they were blonde". So now, we have two Have Nots, bugging the person, and even though he still approves of those Haves at 85%, the have nots have stretched over them, blinded him, and he or she starts to lose ground of what they found they loved.
So, sooner down the road, they go looking. Searching. For what? to Quench the thirst of those stretched out Have Nots to be satisfied.
It's like craving a food on a diet, a food you can't have. You just want a TASTE of it, a taste to shave down the have not. Have Nots are a craving, even when its another person.
So the spouse struggling with being 'blinded' finds someone who has some have nots. Sadly, they may have more "have nots" than "Haves", or maybe their spouse still has more "haves" than they do. Point is moot, all they are looking for is something to cover the stretched out Have Nots.
So there it comes eventually.
They meet someone with that which they want, to satisfy that need for the Have Nots.
This is the moment of truth - do they step back and realize "is this have not really THIS big, or did I make it such a big deal"? and step back, and suddenly shrink it down and go back to home, where they had a good deal. Do they take a taste of it, just enough to shrink down the have nots, enough to control the rapid growth that was killing them.
or the worst scenario, do they ignore the fact they have more Haves at home, which they worked so hard and so long to get, and throw it all in the air to juggle, just to fully quench and take on another person that who's sole purpose is to fill the Have Nots, regardless of any overlapping or non overlapping haves that the spouse and new person have.
It's perfectly OK to accept that everyone here cant have 100%. Nobody met someone with 100%. What I'm getting at is, how far do you stetch your have nots, and could you control them when it comes down to it?